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Year 2003 Everything Changed

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Year 2008

 Tannerville

Ewings Sarcoma

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Year 2008


Wednesday, January 02, 2008

A wonderful cancer family just lost their little boy William on the 31st of December. Please keep them in your prayers and log onto their site to show your support. www.caringbridge.org/visit/williamschultz William was diagnosed at two weeks old with neuroblastoma. William has been doing well and was cancer free.  We saw him not to long ago at an Angels Amoung Us fundraiser. What a cute little boy with a GREAT smile. Our hearts are broken for their family.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Sorry it has been so long since I have updated but I will do it very soon. For now I would like to talk about an amazing kid, Ethan Grimm. He has been fighting childhood cancer over eight years and has beaten all the odds. Ethan is having pain from the cancer and is not doing well; please keep this wonderful family in your prayers. Ethan came to Tanner's funeral and he was very worried about Chris and I and how we were doing. He knew Tanner was ok and in heaven but kept asking his mom how we were doing. He is such a sweetie, please visit his site and show some Tanner love!  www.caringbridge.org/ia/ethangrimm  

Thursday, January 17, 2008 Happy Birthday Maddie!!

Things around here are mellow. Chris has been slow at work so he has been keeping busy here at home. Hope gave us a BIG scare this week. Hope's tummy has been hurting on and off since last Friday. Sunday and Monday she was down most of the day, no vomiting but lots of cramping and no eating. I called Dr. Harrision, which was Tan's pediatrian and knows all the history.  Dr. Harrison was concerned for two reasons no vomiting or diarrhea and no fevers. He checked everything, throat, ears, rectum and stomach. Hope was very sensitive to the touch and the pain was getting worse. Dr. H wanted to order a stomach x-ray and labs at Children's.  I was ok and not freaking out but I was thinking PLEASE lets not do this again. Hope did wonderful with the finger poke; she is all too familiar with Children's, labs and radiology. She said, "I'm brave just like Tanner". And she was right, she did a great job. Once done with the x-ray they told me to wait in the waiting room and they would have the doctor call me right away. That is when I started freaking!! My heart was racing, the tears started running down my face and I thought God, Please don't, we can't handle this, it is too much. They had me go into another room to get the report from Dr. H and he said, "counts are good and all is clear on the x-ray". I broke down on the phone, I was preparing myself for news of cancer or tumor and when it was not I was overwhelmed and relieved. When you get so used to living your life based on scans or x-rays it is hard to think that it does not have to consume you and your emotions. Hope started vomiting and continued until Tuesday afternoon.  Hope and I stayed in Tanner's room and snuggled together. Hope loves being in Tanner's room and she is playing in there right now. Hope is doing very good now but her being so little you can really see a difference when she does not eat for a couple of days. Thank you April for being there, I love you!

Brody turned three years old on January 7th and we had a party for him.  It was all set to be at McDonalds but there was an accident and the play area was damaged. So last minute plans were made and we had it at Skate Daze. Brody had such a great time and loved playing in their play area. Brody received so many wonderful gifts. Susie had some artwork that Tanner had made for her girls, one was Thomas the Train and the other was a butterfly with flowers. Tanner was so busy selling her artwork that she never had the chance to make any for her brother or sister. So Susie had color copies made of these two pictures and framed them for Hope and Brody. They are wonderful, the kids love having them in their rooms. I will post pictures soon. Thank you Susie that was very sweet.

I went for a girl's long weekend with some of my wonderful friends. It was exactly what I needed. I have been struggling to find the will to get my butt off the couch.  I know that it is very normal but it is not normal for me. It is so easy to fall into a depression; you are so overwhelmed with sadness.  I met with my friends and we talked, cried, went out to dinner, cried, had a spa day and cried some more. I could see Tanner fitting right in the middle. She was one of the girls not one of the kids. I have so much wonderful support, thank you all so much.  You all mean the world to me and with out you this horrible journey would be much harder. Miss you all already and we will have to do that AGAIN!!

As you have noticed some close friends have been struggling with childhood cancer. Some are losing or have lost the battle and we know the pain is unbearable. Please visit their sites and send your love and prayers. www.caringbridge.org/ia/ethangrimm and www.caringbridge.org/visit/williamschultz.

Please start getting ready for our Milestones Walk for Cure Search it is on June 7th, 2008. Tanner's Termites raised $10,669.00 last year. And we are going to try and beat that this year. Please get involved and do what you can. We have so much love and support and we need so much help to raise awareness and money to find a cure. If you would like to help in any way Please email me at cmthb@hotmail.com If you have contacts or would like to be a sponsor email me and I can forward all info. to Kellie Beresh. I spoke to a representive at Cure Search this morning and she new of the walk in Omaha, Nebraska and new all about Tanner's Termites.  Cure Search is willing to put their name out there to help raise awareness and funding. If you have any ideas (like dinners, fashion show, auction, etc.) email me and I will forward all the contact information, or visit their site at http://www.curesearch.org/.

Thank you for your love and support! We miss you baby girl and we know you are here with us everyday!

Love, The Lusk Family

Monday, January 21, 2008 New photos posted

Every day is a struggle with out Tanner, we miss her so much! Things will be good one moment and the very next we just fall apart.  Grief is so hard; there is no right way to work through it.  We long to hold her and touch her beautiful face.  We long to hear her voice saying, "Mom, dad, I'm OK, I'm happy and I miss you very much". It is hard because everything around us is because of Tanner. Brody's birthday party was so much fun and he had such a great time but we also had a hard time because Tanner was not there. Tanner is what brought most of us together. So many of Tanner's friends and people who loved her very much were there and continue to be there for us. We try to keep a positive outlook and try not to be overwhelmed with sadness. Every day was a struggle and a fight while she was in treatment but she kept us going and never wanting to give up.  We now have a different fight ahead of us. We have to struggle and fight to live with out her here physically. I know in my heart that she is here and knows how much we miss her. But I long to see her face and hold her in my arms. We are sad and miss our tough little girl. She is our strength! And it will take time to learn to live with so much sadness in our life. We love to see all of her friends and to hear them talk about Tanner and all their memories. We miss and love you guys! I know it must be hard to lose a friend and to understand all of this but please know that we can and will get through this together.

Tanner will never be forgotten!

I will be ordering more "Together for Tanner" bracelets and if you would like any please email me at cmthb@hotmail.com

Thank you for all your prayers and support!

Love, The Lusk Family   (Hi Janet and Tatum, I know your there!!)

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Please keep our friend Hannah Knudsen in your prayers. On a routine scan a tumor was found, recurrent Ewing's Sarcoma.  Hannah was in remission and doing great! She will be having surgery tomorrow to remove the tumor. Please visit her site at www.caringbridge.org/visit/hannahknudsen it is so sad to see these AMAZING kids fighting this horrible disease time and time again. 

Please help raise awareness and funds at http://www.curesearch.org/ so that we can find a better way to fight childhood cancer. 

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Hannah is out of surgery and seems to be doing well, please continue to follow this family as they will need a lot of support www.caringbridge.org/visit/hannahknudsen .

Every one is doing well here.  We are trying to stay warm; it has been bitter cold outside.  I could just hear Tanner saying, "Good time to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie".  Hope and Brody are doing GREAT. We will start Teddy Bear Hallow (grieving children support group) with them on Monday. The group in every other week for 16 weeks. The kids should do good and will be able to express the loss of Tanner, their sissy, with other kids. They love to talk about sissy.

Thank you for your support!  Please continue to pray for all the kiddos fighting this horrible disease. www.caringbridge.org/ia/ethangrimm, www.caringbridge.org/visit/sadielivers, and www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilyoetjen .

Donate Blood!!!

Love, The Lusk Family

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Sorry so long since my last update, we have been trying to stay busy. We started Teddy Bear Hallow last Monday and I think it went pretty well. Brody might be a little young and not able to understand what they are trying to teach the kids.  We will just have to wait and see. Hope understands more and was able to follow what they were teaching about death, what is alive and what is not.

I went to dinner with some of the wonderful staff at UNMC (radiation dept) they have became such a great part of our lives. Thank you Roxanne for the beautiful angel with Tanner's name on it, you are so thoughtful. Anisa and Natasha also came to dinner with us and it great to see both of them.  During all of Tanner's treatments we became so close to her care givers and it is hard to lose that contact. They are who is there for you when your child is sick and who is with you when you get the news that the cancer is back and all the treatment plans. They became your family, your support. You depend on them and see them everyday. I am so glad that we continue to have contact with all of Tanner's care givers; it has helped us with our grief. It helps to hear all the stories about Tanner and what she put these wonderful people through and how she has changed their lives. Thank you for being there for Tanner and now for being there for our family.

We are getting ready for the Cure Search Walk this year and ready to double the money raised from last year. I hope we can count on a lot of support this year. The only way we are going to stop seeing our kids die and suffer from childhood cancer is finding a CURE!! We need to go to the source and fund more research.  Tanner's Termites is getting ready and we are hoping to have a HUGE team again this year to honor Tanner and her amazing fight for life. The walk is June 7th at Village Point 8am-10am.

Bellevue Bruins (college baseball team) Opening Day is March 16th at 1pm. Tanner was their #1 honorary player. Last year Tanner threw out the first pitch and this year the Bruins have asked our family to throw out the first pitch in honor of Tanner. They are asking for Tanner's friends and family to join the game to honor Tanner and her love of baseball. Please visit their website at http://www.bellevuebaseball.org/  We will have "Tanner's Treats" a concession stand that will sell drinks, candy and "Together for Tanner" bracelets. All the money raised will go to Cure Search for the walk in June. We will also accept donations for Cure Search as well. The Bruins are honoring Tanner and her love of the game, but we are asking for your support to honor her and help find a CURE. The Bruins have also had Tanner's initials put on their hats in memory of Tanner. That is so cool!! Thank you guys for all your love for Tanner!

We have had so many of Tanner's cancer friends relapsing or have lost their battle. Please keep all these wonderful families in your thoughts and prayers because the pain and the challenges ahead of them are heartbreaking.  Treatment after relapse is hard because you have very little if any choices. You have to watch your child endure things and suffer to have a chance of saving their life. If you lose your child then you have to suffer with out them in your life forever. Both are heartbreaking, both are painful but in the end you have to do whatever you can to save your child. The whole in your heart after your child dies will never go away and it can never be filled.  Please pray for these families that are suffering. www.caringbridge.org/visit/sadielivers and www.caringbridge.org/ia/ethangrimm and www.caringbridge.org/visit/hannahknudsen

Thank you Shawn and Vista for asking your guests to bring donations in lieu of gifts for your wedding to Cure Search http://www.curesearch.org/ To honor Jake Beresh their nephew, Lily Leyden their friend and in loving memory of Tanner Lusk. Thank YOU!!

Love, The Lusk Family

Monday, February 11, 2008 Happy Valentine's Day!!

It has been quite this week. It has been very cold so we have been staying home and warm for most of the week. I went to Sadie's visitation on Thursday with Kellie B. and April (my sister).  It was a very nice tribute to Sadie and I loved all the pictures, what a pretty girl. Thank you Kellie and April for your support, I knew I could not go alone, but I wanted to show my support to Sadie's family. I wanted to hug Teresa and let her know that the rode is hard and your heart aches more than you can imagine but somehow you make it thru it, somehow you get through a day.  It does not get easier! After Tanner passed away I wanted to talk with other parents who have lost their child, who have felt that pain. Not that is helps your pain or that they have some wonderful words of advice but you see that they have lived even after the death of their child. I don't know how we do it, but somehow we do. One day at a time!

Hope is having her Valentine's Day party on Wednesday and she is very excited. Hope loves going to school and is ready for BIG school. Brody is a wild man and we are starting to potty train but it is not going well. Maybe boys are harder because Tanner and Hope were so easy. Brody still talks about going home with Tanner, I tell him we are home but he still wants to go with Tanner. He misses his "sissy".  It's hard to see them sad and not understand. Again, one day at a time!

Please continue to pray for all our friends who are still fighting and for the families who have to live with out their child.

Love, The Lusk Family

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

It has been over five months since I have kissed Tanner and you would think at this point I would know she is gone, but sometimes is feels so unreal! Not that I thought is would get any easier but the pain feels so deep in my chest. Some days are ok but other days I find it hard to even catch my breath. Not only do I miss her touch, but her vibe that was part of our home, our family.

The kids have been doing well. Hope started not feeling well last night, stomach pains again and a low fever. Hope had a great Valentine's Party at school, she got a special Valentine's and a small box of See's Candy from a boy!! Campbell is a sweet little boy, who Hopie adores. We also had conferences with Hope's teacher and she is doing well socially and academically. She stated that everyday when Hope is asked who she would pray for 90% of the time its "Tanner". They also noted a decrease in Hope's self-confidence. She is second guessing what to do and how to do it. We have decided to enroll in a High 5 program at her preschool instead of going to kindergarten next year. It is everyday, half day but not as much pressure or demand on Hope. Hope will be upset at first about not going to Wheeler but with the year she has had it will be best in the long run. Tanner was the leader and always helped Hope along. Hope is having a hard time being the oldest and not following big sissy around, sometimes she is lost and you see Brody take over.  Brody is doing much better potty training, pee that is, still having problems pooping on the potty. He now goes to preschool in his big boy pants and has had no accidents. YEAH.....Brody!!!

We are going to Great Wolf Lodge Sunday and Monday to make up for missing our time in December. We are going with two other wonderful families and Hope and Brody are very excited. We are also getting ready for the Bellevue Bruins Baseball "Opening Day" on March 16th. We have sold some hats with Tanner's initials and have raised over $500.00 for Cure Search. I have also ordered "Together for Tanner" bracelets but have yet to receive them, so if you have ordered them I have not forgotten you but will email you once I get them.  We will also have a concession stand "Tanner's Treats" at the game to sell hot coco and candy. Hyvee has donated all the coco and cups for our fundraiser. Thanks HYVEE, the world's greatest grocery store!!! All proceeds will go to Tanner's Termites (Cure Search) for the walk in June. We have also received our first check for $100.00 towards Tanner's Team! Thank You, Panfil Family!!! I have also received emails about joining "Tanner's Termites" for the walk. I am going to a meeting this week and once I receive more info I will follow up with you. Please email me with all your info. and I will contact you. Thank you for your support for "Tanner's Termites" we are going to try our best to raise more money than last year.  We need all the help we can to raise money to find a cure for childhood cancer. Tanner is no longer here to fight this battle but we are and we will continue to fight in honor of our amazing daughter, sister, and friend!!

Please continue to pray for our friends who are fighting childhood cancer! Donate blood and save a life!

Love, The Lusk Family

Sunday, March 9, 2008 

We had a good time at Great Wolf Lodge!! Hope surprised all of us when she wanted to go down the BIG waterslides, time and time again. If you knew Hope prior to this trip she was afraid to leave the steps, not even in my arms. We are so proud of her, she is getting brave. Brody is still having some issues, hates water on his head. He loved to just sit in the kiddies' pool, no slides, just sitting but not to much action. He loves the water but to just hang out. I will post pictures of our weekend. Everyone is doing ok! Chris has been having a hard time. He does not show it that often, tries to hold it all together. Moms are different; we can break down, lose it, cry, stay in bed, but for some reason it seems to be different for dads. They have to go to work, stay strong and somehow after losing your (in Chris' case) best friend, keep it all together. Chris' mind never stops he is always thinking about so many things but mainly, where is Tanner, is she ok, can she see us, is she happy and so on. Tanner some how kept it all together for her dad. When Chris would say something weird or silly, (which he does) she would call him on it, "DAAD, yah right" and stop Chris in is tracks. Chris and Tanner would go to Dave and Buster's, late movies and play video games till the wee hours of the night. He misses her very much.  We are getting ready for "Opening Day" with The Bellevue Bruins. We will be throwing out the first pitch on Sunday, March 16th at 1pm. On their game schedule March 16th is designated as Tanner Day. She would have thought that was very cool! We would love to have many of Tanner's friends out at the game for support. We will also start our fundraising for "Tanner's Termites" with a concession stand with hot coco, lemonade, candy and "Together for Tanner" bracelets. Please come by and join the fun in celebrating Tanner's love of the game and raising money for Cure Search. Please pray for our friends who are fighting this horrible disease. Hannah, www.caringbridge.org/visit/hannahknudsen, Lily O. www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilyoetjen , Ethan www.caringbridge.org/ia/ethangrimm

and Lily L. www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilyleyden. Please take the time and donate blood, they would never make it through treatment with out it.

See you at the game!!!

Love, The Lusk Family

Update: Wednesday night:  It is not only my pain that I feel, it is the pain I feel for Hope and Brody. With treatment you have very little choice, but all the will and strength to never give up. You lose the ability to keep your child safe from pain or death.  After the loss of your child you have no will or strength but yet you must for your other children, for yourself. You loose the person you once were, the person who thought you could do anything to save your child. You have no choice but to deal with the death of your child. I was watching TV and Brody came up to me and gave me a hug and said, " Mommy, I miss Tanner" I said," I know buddy I miss her too" he than reached out his little hand and said, "Ok than, help me find her!" I can somehow keep it together for the most part, but seeing the pain and confusion in Brody little face is so hard. I found myself again having very little control to protect my children from pain and suffering. Brody gave me a kiss and hug goodnight and than said, "I want to give Tanner a kiss and hug too" Tanner, Hope and Brody have always been very loving towards each other. I even remember Tanner's concern for Hope and Brody towards the end of her life. She is lying in her bed dying, and she said, "Mom, Hope and Brody will not understand". She was always so worried about them. I try to reassure Hope and Brody how much their big sister loves them and misses them.  How much we miss her.  My heart continues to break not only for the loss of Tanner but the loss that Hope and Brody have to live with.

Thank you for letting me vent, somehow it helps me to process it all.

Saturday, March 15, 2008- Time change for the game tomorrow: game is at 2:30pm: We will be throwing out the first pitch at 2:30pm in honor of Tanner!!!

Ethan Grimm passed away today after an amazing eight year battle with childhood cancer. Please keep this wonderful family in your hearts and in your prayers. Our hearts ache for all of Ethan's family and friends.  www.caringbridge.org/ia/ethangrimm 

All our LOVE!!!

The Lusk Family

For whatever reason this webpage will not let me fix the update below. I will update pictures soon. Please keep the Grimm Family in your prayers, Ethan is not doing well and this time is so hard on the family. Ethan and his family have been fighting for so long. We love you and we are thinking about all of you. www.caringbridge.org/ia/ethangrimm

We would love to see you at the game this weekend!!

Wednesday, March 25, 2008

It has been quite a while since my last update. Everyone is doing well and we have been staying busy. As you know we had the BIG game on the 16th of March, which was a GREAT turnout especially since the weather was very cold. The Bellevue Team retired Tanner's #1 jersey and made a wonderful dedication in honor of Tanner. Chris threw out the first pitch (living his dream) with Hope and me by his side. Thank you, Tanner!! The team had hats with Tanner's initials and the #1 in a gold ribbon on them and plenty for all to buy. The Bruins also do a rally call in honor of Tanner and how she has inspired all of these wonderful men:   In it to win it, not afraid to fail, Passion and Strength, and we WILL prevail. -TANNER-     That is what they say before every game. Tanner has truly touched so many people and we are so blessed to have her as our daughter. Thank you to the Bellevue Bruins for their amazing gift they have given us and continuing to honor Tanner. Thank you to all our friends and family who came out to support us. (It was so cold) With our hats sale and concession stand we raised $995.00 for Cure Search. THANK YOU!!!

Papa, Mar, Jessie, Beau and baby Eddie came out for the game and to celebrate Easter. As most of you know Easter was Tanner's favorite holiday. We even celebrated it in June last year, what great memories. It was very nice to have them out and enjoy all their company. We did an Easter egg hunt with all the kids. Papa and Grammie and Uncle Jeff stuffed the eggs with candy and money, we made one very special egg with Tanner's name on it. We said "who ever finds Tanner's egg will get the golden egg with $20.00 in it" Everyone was very excited and it was great to have Tanner be apart of her favorite holiday. Hope and Brody love seeing Papa and Mar but I think baby Eddie beat them both out this trip. Hope just loved having him here and wanted to do everything with him, even just to ride in the car with him. Brody got to feed him and jump in the pack-in-play that was his favorite. We will be going to Illinois soon so Brody can take Papa fishing and Hope can help Mar make cookies, oh and play with baby Eddie. See you guys soon!!! 

Mar and Jessie are going to start a Milestone Cure Search walk in Peoria, Illinois on September the 20th. So if you live in the area or know someone that would be interested in helping out with the walk please send me an email at cmthb@hotmail.com There are only two walks for Cure Search, so please help us get another one together.

We are getting ready for the walk here in Omaha with Tanner's Termites, we are everywhere!! We showed last year that we were everywhere and we are hoping to surpass our goal. We will be having a "Fundraiser Kick Off Party" in April for all to join; I will post the date soon. We are also having an Upper Case Living party on the 25th of April at 7pm-?? (open house) my friend Tarra has offered to give 20% to Cure Search. So all are welcomed to my home for a fun night and raising money for Tanner's Termites! http://www.uppercaseliving.com/ to view items. Any fundraising ideas you can email me or if you want to host something on your own (for those of you out of town) we would love to have your help. The Milestones Walk website is not up and running for 2008 yet but it should be very soon, patience Uncle Jeff!! I am so glad everyone is so excited, Thank you for all your continued support!!!

I know this is a long update but I wanted to thank the Grimm Family for an amazing service in honoring your son, Ethan. It was an honor for us to be apart of those couple of days. I know it is sad to go to another child's funeral but I try not to look at it like that. Ethan was not a sad boy; he was alive, strong and full of love. Cancer is what killed him, but not how he lived. Like Tanner in so many ways. Thank you for including Tanner in the prayer at Ethan's funeral. In your time of sadness your family remembered Tanner and our family. Thank you!!! I know that you heart and arms ache for him every second but somehow you get through the day, it may not be pretty but you do. All of you are in our hearts!!

Love, The Lusk Family

 

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Tanner's Termites, we are everywhere!! Fundraising page is now up and running. Please visit the site and register as a walker or start your own fundraising page and make a donation to Tanner's Termites!!!

Click here to view the team page for Tanner's Termites, We ARE Everywhere!!
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://host.curesearch.org/site/TR/Walk/Milestones?team_id=1880&pg=team&fr_id=1090&et=ywiAA6k-hVKfH1V0qe5V-Q..&s_tafId=1830

 

Tanner is no longer here to fight for a cure but we all learned from her the determination to never give up. Tanner had amazing strength, was always determine to fight for her life and a cure. Tanner also showed us how to help others in need. When she was so sick herself, she wanted to help the other sick kids at Children's Hospital, which is now "Tanner's Treats". I know that Tanner would want us to continue her fight for life and a cure for the 40,000 other kids that are on treatment today. Please help us you can make a difference, you can help find a cure. I will not stop fighting childhood cancer, we battled against it for 4 1/2 years and it took our daughter, we WILL NOT walk away until we find a cure.

Tanner was a featured child in a you tube video called 12 young cancer angels please view at http://youtube.com/watch?v=J8LMQdP2U7I 12 young girls who have all passed away from childhood cancer but have made a huge impact on people's lives. It is sad and all the girls look so normal and healthy. Cancer does not discriminate, it could be any child. We need a cure, we need your help!!

 

Thank you for your support!!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Thank you to all of Tanner's Termites for all your hard work in raising money for our team and Cure Search!! Cure Search is needing our help to pass a bill Conquer Childhood Cancer Act:

Here is the link for The Conquer Childhood Cancer Act. Just click on S911 to email your senator (150 million dollars in pediatric research funding) or HR1553 (creation of a data base and info for treatments, etc.) It takes 5 minutes!
Thanks for your help!

http://capwiz.com/curesearch/issues/bills

The Lusk Family

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Sorry for the lack of updates, it has been a pretty tough couple of weeks. Sometimes you just don't know what to say. You feel so overwhelmed with grief that anything you say is filled with negativity. Not that I feel I have to always be positive but the saddness consumes you. You have no energy, no strength or desire to put one foot in front of the other.  I feel like there is this huge mountain in front of us and we keep climbing and climbing and there is no end in site. I am done climbing, I just want to sit for awhile and not fight anymore, not have this pain consume us. When we fought with treatment we had HOPE but without Tanner the hope is gone. We are now fighting our own sadness. In the beginning we prayed for a cure, after relapse we prayed for more time/more treatment and at the end you pray for her peace and comfort in death. Now there is no relief for our pain, no cure for the loss of our daughter. I want her back, I want all of this to be a nightmare, I don't want this life.

Chris is coaching Tan's softball team from last year. He ordered a team shirt for her with number one on it. They are going to put a ribbon with Tan's initials and the #1. I know he is going to have a hard time but Tanner and him shared the love of baseball.  When Tanner was unable to play softball, she would tell Chris to go out and be with the team. Its going to be hard to see all those girls out there where your daughter should be.

On a better note Tanner's Termites are doing GREAT!! Thanks to our wonderful team for all your hard work and all the donations. We are half way to our goal of $10,000.00 with only 6 weeks to go. We CAN DO IT!!! We have some wonderful friends that are doing fundraisers for the team, "Tanner's Tea", hair cut athon, pillow cases, and flower pots. Lots a good ideas to help raise money for Cure Search. We are also getting our Tanner's Termites shirt orders together. Please email Susie Looney at sblooney@cox.net if you would like to order a shirt. They are the same shirt from last year. Also please email me if you would like to be on Tanner's team at cmthb@hotmail.com you do not have to register online to walk with the team. If you want to do online fundraising you can register online at http://host.curesearch.org/goto/tannertermites if you don't register online, please email me so that you can get all the team info. THANK YOU so much for your support!! There is this video that Cure Search put together on you tube that helps put the point across  that cancer can happen to anyone, not just someone else. Please view and help us make a difference. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGS4yE5v9rM&feature=related We have so many friends that are still fighting for a second chance, for one more day to be cancer free. Please keep these families in your thoughts and prayers as their life is a constant battle to keep a hold of their child.

All our love, The Lusk Family

 Thursday, May 1, 2008

Another precious little girl lost her battle against childhood cancer.  Miss Lily battled over 2 1/2 years and was only 4 years old when she died. My sister and I went to the viewing to give her wonderful family our support. It is so hard to see all these amazing children who fight so hard for so long taken from this world. Please view princess Lily's site www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilyleyden . Our thoughts and prayers are now with her family has they began a very long and hard battle with out their little girl.

I have a You Tube video that I would like to share with you. Uncle Jeff made this of Tanner and the radioathon the link is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0BpMXVfQUE . Thank you Uncle Jeff!! I have also updated Tanner's Treats and the fundraiser page. We have a wonderful fundraiser coming up on May 18 at the T!LC Church in Bellevue. Tanner's Tea, was created by a wonderful women named Tracy. Tracy never met Tanner but saw her obituary in the paper and was touched by Tanner's life, story, and smile. Tanner touched her life with out even meeting her. Tanner you make your mom so proud. I don't think that she knew that she touched people like that but she did. Tracy, thank you for caring and thank you for helping raise money in honor of Tanner and for all the kids still fighting this horrible disease. Tanner's Tea is by reservation ONLY so please email Tracy at tannerstea@hotmail.com There is more info on the tea and many others ways that we are trying to raise money on the Tanner's Treats/fundraising page to the left. Please continue to support Tanner's Termites for our Milestones Walk this year for Cure Search.  We are almost to our goal!! Please log on to http://host.curesearch.org/goto/tannertermites to join our team and make a donation. Thank you for your support!!

Chris a I are going to Kansas City this weekend to see John Edwards, the medium. We are hoping to have a reading but we are also know that Tanner is with us no matter what. I am hoping it will bring us some comfort. It's also our 12 year anniversary and it has been a very long time since Chris and I have gone away together with out the kids.

The Omaha Zoo received a donation in memory of Tanner Christine Lusk from the Larson, Beresh, Friend families and Ashely. In their new Butterfly Pavilion there will be a brass butterfly engraved with Tanner's name and permanently mounted on the railing. Thank you so much guys!!! Tanner loved the zoo and it was where we spent a lot of our time and one of the last places she got to go. THANK YOU!! So if you are going to visit the zoo the Butterfly Pavilion opens in May look for Tanner's name and let us know on the guestbook. It would be fun to see how many people can find it.

Thank you for continued support and love and please help us make a difference. Anything that you can do DOES help!!

 


Saturday, May 10, 2008

Everything is going well around here, we are getting through each day. Its still very hard and we miss Tanner like CRAZY!!! but this week the sadness is not overwhelming us or consuming our every action. There are many times when you are taken back and you lose control over your emotions. For example in the mall yesturday Hope saw a little boy in a wheelchair, who was unable to talk or hold up his head. Hope started pointing and telling me he has cancer and asked if he was going to die. Two things went through my mind. One-how sad that she thinks everyone is a wheelchair is going to die because her sister did. Two-we hated everyone pointing and staring at Tanner. We saw this family againDecember 24th 2008

Merry Christmas!!!

All our love, The Lusk Family

November 30th 2008

Tanner you are in my heart today and everyday. I try to imagine what you would be doing today for my birthday. You always kept your dad in line and made sure he was doing something GREAT. You would make me breakfast and of course share a coffee with me. I miss you coming to cuddle with me in the morning and playing with my hair. You were so thoughtful and wanted to make the best day for me on my birthday. I miss your smile, your heart and your touch. Today I will think of how special you made feel.

I love you Big Much!!

Your mom forever and ever!!!

November 12th 2008

HAPPY 1OTH BIRTHDAY TANNER!!!! We love you and miss you Tan!!!

Thank you for all your wonderful birthday messages for our family and for Tanner. Today is such a happy day when Tanner entered this world. I can remember it like it was yesturday. She loved to hear the story over and over again of how the doctor placed her on my belly and than she pooped on me. She would laugh and say "tell me again." I miss her laugh and her funny faces but TODAY we will remember her birth and all of her wonderful birthday celebrations. Hope and Brody are very excited today for Tanner's birthday!! They keep singing her Happy Birthday!! They miss their big sissy.

Thank you Auntie, Uncle Jeff, Zach and Maddie for the beautiful roses for Tanner, Hope and Brody. Thank you to our wonderful friends who have donated toys, art canvas', art supplies and pillow cases in memory of Tanner to the oncology clinic. Tanner loved to give and the kids on the floor will love all the wonderful treats. Thank you Vicki and Lou for the gifts for Hope and Brody and the Tanner gift yet to be opened.

Our friends the McCoys are having a fundraiser in Valencia, California at Robeks for their beautiful daughter Meghan tonight. www.caringbridge.org/visit/meghanmccoy Please stop by and show your support!! We love you and wish we could be there with you!! Thank you, Jeannie for remembering Tanner on her birthday!

Happy birthday Tanner and I will tell Hope and Brody the funny story of your birth baby girl, I LOVE YOU BIG MUCH!!!

All my love, Marjorie

November 8th 2008

It has been a while since I have updated. Sorry!!! Times are hard and the pain of Tanner being gone is no easier. My friend Michelle bought me this magnet that is so perfect, it says "Pretending to be a normal person day-after-day is exhausting." You put on this happy face and deal with your normal day to day things but in your heart there is so much pain. I know that Tanner would say, "Stop being a cry baby mom, you can do this." My mind says one thing but my heart says otherwise. I know this will take time and in time we will learn to live with the pain better.

Tanner's 10th birthday is coming up the 12th of November. We are keeping it very mellow. That is very different for us because we always did BIG parties for her birthday because we never knew when it would be her last. We even did a BIG party last year but this year seems even harder. We will be taking some small gifts up to the oncology clinic for other kids battling cancer but after that just some cake and ice cream for Tanner's 10th birthday. Tanner loved giving and that is what we want to do in her honor. Tanner planned the lemonade stand, gave out gift cards and did that for other kids in need. Last year we gave toys, arts and crafts to UNMC Radiation dept in her memory. That seems to be the only way we know how to carry on her love of giving to others. 10 is such a milestone for kids, double digits. I know this would have been very cool in Tanner's eyes to have reached this milestone. I love you baby and wish you the best 10 year old birthday party in heaven. I know you will do it BIG!!!

Please view www.kidsmiraclefoundation.org for your holiday shopping. They will be sending all monies raised to help find a cure for childhood cancer. Another thing that you can do over the holiday season is to donate blood. American Red Cross can always use your help to save lives and not to mention help all the kids who need blood to get through their chemo treatments. Keep our friends Meghan in California www.caringbridge.org/visit/meghanmccoy and Kathy in your prayers as they continue to battle cancer and all the side effects from the treatment. We love you both and your always in our hearts!!!

We had a wonderful visit from Vicki and Lou from New York. It was nice to spend time with all of you and your family. Thank you for including us!! Tanner brought us together and I know that she would enjoy your love and friendship like all of us do. THANK YOU!!

Happy Birthday Aunt Deedee!! I know this year will be very hard with out you here. Tanner and Aunt Deedee have shared their bithday celebration and last year with out Tanner, Aunt Deedee was here to celebrate. Love you!!

All my love,

Marjorie

October 14th 2008

Things have been pretty quiet around here, not much going on. Hope and Brody are doing great in school and really enjoy being with their friends. Hope has been playing ball a lot with Chris and the team at practice and she really enjoys it. She loves being around the big girls and all of them make her feel very special. Chris said that Hope has really gotten into it and sometimes he looks over at her and sees a little Tanner out there fielding the balls. Hope is really doing well and loves being a part of the team.

I started going to a support group with parents who have lost a child to cancer. It is nice to have a group of people to share your thoughts and feelings with. Everyone is very supportive and it is wonderful to hear about all of their amazing children.

The kids have fall break at school this week so we are going to Papa's and Mar's for a couple of days. We are looking forward to spending time with all of them and having some special time with baby Eddie of course. Hope is telling everyone that she is going to see her cousin, baby Eddie. They are also very excited about their pumpkins that Papa grew for them. The last time we were there Brody named three pumpkins in Papa's garden, Tanner, Hope and Brody. So they are ready to bring them home and carve faces into them. It will be nice to get away.

We are asking for prayers for a dear friend who is battling cancer. Bailey and Alexis (Tanner's friends) grandma Kathy is fighting cancer and could use our prayers. We love you, Kathy!!

I would also like to share a website with you www.kidsmiraclefoundation.org Please help by purchasing or donating to this cause. Kids Miracle Foundation network of products and services consist of more then 400+ stores to help fight this disease which includes all major retail stores such as Disney, Toys "R" Us, Gamefly, Netflix, Sony, Macy's, and many others to choose from. Simply click on "Shop Online Icon" and will give a gift of life to our children's across the globe...80% of the proceeds from the online sales will go directly to Kids Miracle Foundation to support cancer research centers and families across the country. When you do your online purchasing for this holiday season, log onto this site and help raise money for cancer research.

Thanks for checking in on us. Please keep all the kiddos that are still fighting cancer and for the families who continue to battle the loss of their amazing children.

Love, Marjorie

September 26th 2008

 

One year has come and gone with out Tanner physically here. She is always with us and constantly in our daily thoughts and conversations. Time has gone so fast with out her here and we miss her so much. Everyday is hard but thursday the 18th was much harder for me. The time frame of the day was so haunting. The last words that she spoke to me, her struggling to catch her breath, and the last time I looked into her eyes. It is so hard. The images don't go away.

The 19th was a wonderful way to celebrate Tanner's life. Her love of friends, family and hanging out together. We had such a great outcome for the balloon release. My sister April came out from California, the Bellevue Bruins team was here, and so many wonderful friends that loved Tanner so much. It means a lot to have so many people who love and care for our family and for keeping Tanner's memory alive. The night let us focus on good times and being surrounded by so many people. Thank you, to everyone who celebrated Tanner's life with us and came together for our daughter. Many other family and friends did a balloon release in honor of Tanner. THANK YOU, for taking the time to remember Tanner. Please view all the new pictures to see the many balloon release's. It means so much to know that Tanner is still in your hearts, so again Thank you!!

Happy Birthday to Papa and Auntie Kelly, we love you!!

Give blood and help save a life!!

Marjorie

 

September 9th 2008

Tanner has almost been gone one year. So how does it still seem so unreal?? I know that must sound so weird because we watched her battle for her life, we watched her suffer, we watched our daughter die. But at the same time she was so full of life and determination. Tanner is strongest person I know. We have so many pictures of her so full of life, ready to tackle anything that was ahead of her. How?? how has the strongest person I know die? how has this become our life? how are we going to be whole again? I miss her more than I can even express. Our little girl will forever be a memory. Not here to make memories with her family. Still so hard for me to understand.

Hope and Brody are amazing and I love being their mom but sometimes it is hard to feel complete. We still go on with our daily life, school, zoo, work, family trips and so on. We continue to include Tanner in all of that. We talk about her and how she played things with Hope and Brody. What she would like or not like. Its healing for us and it helps Hope and Brody able to ask question and talk about her all they want. I am very thankful for the both of them, they bring us lots of joy and many laughs.

Our family and friends in California will be having a balloon release in memory of Tanner on September 19th @ 7pm. It will be at Canyon Country Park (where Tanner played t-ball) at 17615 W. Soledad Cyn Rd.
All our welcome to come!!! Please feel free to bring your own picnic dinner or even a special balloon to release in honor of Tanner.

If you able to attend or have any question please contract my mom Linda @ colinda_1@hotmail.com or Kelly @ kelilou@yahoo.com.

If you are unable to attend feel free to do your own balloon release in Tanner's memory. Please take pictures and email to me at cmthb@hotmail.com to post on Tanner's website.

Please remember our friend Jessie (radiation momma) as she gets ready to run the 1/2 marathon in Maui to raise money for CureSearch. Please view her link at http://www.active.com/donate/csathletics/jessilaine

My niece Madison Reimers has cut her hair for the second time and given it to Locks of Love to make wigs for children who have lost their hair. Way to go Maddie!!! We are so proud of you!!

Thank you for keeping Tanner in your hearts!! All of her family and friends will continue to keep Tanner's spirit alive!!

Love, Marjorie

 

 

September 5th 2008

Just a quick update: On Friday September 19th we are doing a balloon release at 8pm at our house but please know that if you are unable to make it to our house or the balloon release in California that you can do it anywhere!!! It does not matter the time, please do it when ever you want to that day. This is something that we are doing for Tanner, so if it is your family in your front yard sending something special to her, that is wonderful!! I would love photos to post on her website. Please email me at cmthb@hotmail.com This is going to be a very hard day but I would love to honor her in this way. I will also post time and place for the California release soon.

Thank you again Kip and Abby for the t-shirt design everyone loves it!!

Have a good weekend,

Marjorie

September 2nd 2008

Well, I have put off updating long enough. It has been something that I have been thinking about but just don't know what to say. I feel like I say the same thing over and over again. There is no way to put into words how we feel. We don't understand and don't know how we have gotten up every morning without her here. I heard someone say the other day, not to me (thank goodness) that going thru a divorce is so miserable that it should just kill you. And I know people deal with things so differently but I guess you think that the pain of losing a child would kill you....... but it clearly does not.

I went to dinner with Anisa the other day, which was very nice. Thank you!!! The nurses and techs become your family, people you see every day, people you share so much with. After a wonderful dinner at Hector's, one of our favorite's, Anisa and I sat and talked for a long time. I was telling her how the memories have been very hard for me the last couple of weeks. You try so hard to remember all the positive and wonderful times, but these past weeks and weeks to follow I can remember every single moment so clear. I don't want to remember these days. I re-live them in my mind. Tanner was always so tough and strong but these last couple of weeks....... it was clearly a little girl who was so tried of this long battle. She was still very stubborn till the very end. Refused ER visits, needed Anisa at all hours, even getting out of bed the day before she passed away when she hadn't in days and insisting to her dad she wanted Rootbeer (even if she threw it up). It is part of the "first" of things that is very hard, but this has been the hardest for me. The time passes and the memories are bad at this time. I WILL live thru it, and tomorrow is a new day but it sucks.

As most of you know September is Childhood Cancer Awarness month. Please view www.curesearch.org to view different things you can do or support in your community. We have another wonderful friend Jessi. She was one of Tanner's radiation tech's, which Tanner called "Radiation Mama" which meant while she was in radiation Jessi was her mama. Very Tanner!!! Jessi (radiation mama) will be running a 1/2 marathon in Maui in Memory of Tanner. She has started a Cure Search Athlete's donation page. She is asking for $10.00 donations and hoping to raise $2000.00. Please stop by her page at http://www.active.com/donate/csathletics/jessilaine Thank you Jessi !!!

We will be having an "Open house" on Friday, September 19th from 6:30pm until ??? to honor Tanner's life and how she lived. Chris and I were not sure what to do that day. We thought about lying in bed and just letting the day pass but that was not Tanner's style. Everytime Tanner had a big surgery or a relapse, we would ask her what she wanted to do? And everytime she would say, "I want people to come over and eat and have a pineta". So that is what we decided to do. You are welcome to come by, hang out and be with Tanner's friends and family who miss her very much. We are having a balloon release at 8:00pm. We will be writing messages to Tanner on the balloons. We are also asking any friends and families if they would like to do a balloon release we could do it at the same time. Grammie in California will be having a get together and will do a balloon release at 6:00pm. And on the east coast they are doing a balloon release at 9:00pm. Please take pictures of your release and email them to me at cmthb@hotmail.com I would love to post them. I am also having some t-shirts made that will be very cute...."not cute cool mom" Tanner would say. Kip and Abby who made Tanner Termite shirts have put together a VERy Cool shirt in honor of Tanner. I will be posting a picture very soon and if you would like one please email me. Not sure of the cost yet.

Hope and Brody had their first day of school and they were so very excited. Brody is in Hope's old class room, which makes it very nice for him. Hope also had her first day of dance class, VERY excited. Thank you Darrow's and Abels for the wonderful dance clothes and shoes, Hope loved them. I am not sure if she was more excited about the clothes or the class???

We had a nice weekend in Illinois at Papa's and Mar's. Brody had been there for a week with them and had a great time. He went fishing, built a swing, mowed the lawn, did some gardening and hung out with his papa. It was very hard for Hope and I to let him go, we really missed him a lot. Baby Eddie had his first birthday party and we were glad we could be there for that. He has gotten so big and such a cutie. Poor little guy gets mauled with them around. They love Baby Eddie!!! Sorry Eddie, they are always going to call you baby Eddie. They also did a balloon release for Tanner at Papa and Mar's house. One balloon for Eddie and one for Tanner. Thank you guys, Tanner would have loved that!!

Sorry for such a long update. I guess if I updated more they wouldn't be so long. And I thought I had nothing to say.....yah right. Happy belated birthday Grandma, we love you!! and please keep our friend Meghan in your prayers, her little body is starting to feel the effects of chemo www.caringbridge.org/visit/meghanmccoy

Lot of love,

Marjorie

Tuesday, August 19th 2008

Sorry so long to update. The day we got home our computer had a melt down. We are slowly getting things back together. I have tried to update the site twice this week and have lost it both times.....very frustrating.

We had a good time in California. It was nice to see our friends and families but it was very hard to be there with out Tanner. It was hard to go into our old neighborhood. To remember all her birthdays at the park, walking to the pool or playing handball on the garage door. So many wonderful memories....bittersweet. I would not trade them for the world but right now the pain is deep. I know that she would have had a great time. Hope and Brody did, they loved all the swimming. Hope now swims pretty well on her own. Hope said her favorite part of the trip was at Auntie's house when everyone yelled "SURPISE" at her birthday party, which was not a surpise party. Very Cute!!! Thank you Reimer's family and Auntie Kelly for the great five year old birthday party. Thank you Grammie and Aunt Janice for the very cool birthday cakes, they were the best.

I would like to share with you a wonderful family here in Omaha that has been impacted by Tanner's life. The Snowdardt's have started a fundraising page with Cure Search. Chris Snowdardt has entered the Cedar Rapids 1/2 Iron man in Iowa on August 17th. He is collecting donations on his Cure Search page in honor of our sweet Tanner. He was impressed by her strength, courage and her amazing fight for life. Chris promises he will do whatever it takes to finish this race, just like Tanner did in her life. Chris finished the race at 7 hours and 12 minutes. That is GREAT!!! Way to Go Chris!!

Thank you so much for all your hard work for Tanner and all kids with cancer that continue to fight this horrible disease. It takes people like you to raise awarness and funds to beat childhood cancer. Thank you Snowdart family!!!

Please take the time to view his page and make a donation of any size in honor of his fight to help find a cure for childhood cancer.

http://www.active.com/donate/csathletics/snowardt

A year ago today we were in Illinois fishing with papa. Aunt Jessie was pregnant with baby Eddie and Tanner wanting to see her new cousin enter this world. Tanner, Hope, Brody and Auntie Kelly were playing in the swimming pool. Tanner's pain was mild and she was in good spirits. We were sitting on the couch waiting for High School Musical to come on TV and all of a sudden Brody threw up. Tanner was very concerned and helped me take him to the bath tub and she stayed in there to soothe his tummy ache.

Her strength, compasion and love, I miss every single day. Her smile, touch and holding her in my arms I ache for every single day. I miss my daughter, my best friend and my strength. The time has gone so fast but so slow at the same time. I am not sure how we have come this far. When we were battling cancer if you would have asked me how we would live with out Tanner? I would have told you that there is no way, no way we would make it. I could not imagine one night with out her and now it almost been a year. We fought so hard for so long that some where along the way we were given some of Tanner's strength. Some of her fight to live even with the pain, we are living.

Love, Marjorie

Tuesday, August 5th 2008

Hello everyone...this is Auntie Kelly from California! The Lusk family left today to go back to Omaha. It was so great to have them back home and so sad to see them leave again. I spoke to Marj a few hours ago and they were in Utah...so their ETA in Omaha will be tomorrow evening!

We had a very busy week. We celebrated Hope's 5th birthday at Auntie April's and Uncle Jeff's house (It was a princess party! So COOL!) We did a lot of swimming and had a great time at the aquatic center. Hope and Brody are both doing great in the water...little fishies! We spent 2 days in Santa Barbara, which was definitely bitter sweet. Last year Marj and I took the kids to Santa Barbara and Tanner had so much fun. It was hard to be there again without her but she was there in our hearts and she is always on our minds. The kiddos loved the beach and we got to see Janet, Tatum and Simon! We also celebrated Chris's birthday...he got a new tattoo while he was here (check out the picture on the photo page.) Happy Birthday Chris!

All in all we had a really great time and I think the Lusks had a nice vacation (and they even left with a tan!) Marjorie will update soon...I'm sure I left out a few things (sorry -I'm new at this!) For now - check out all the cool new pics! Bye!

Love, Auntie Kelly

 

 

Wednesday, July 16th 2008

Things have been ok around here. Hope has been going to summer camp and loves seeing all of her friends. Hope and Brody can't wait to start school in August. They are both more social than Tanner was. Tanner took time to warm up to people but Hope and Brody will go with anyone and love to be around people. Hope will be turning 5 years old soon, July 24th...HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOPIE!!!!! Auntie April, Uncle Jeff, and Auntie Kelly will be throwing a wonderful birthday party for Hope in California. Thank you guys!

We will be going to California to see our family and friends. We will also enjoy some family fun at the beach. The beach was one of Tanner's favorite places, she was able to enjoy some time there in April 2007. We are looking forward to spending time together as a family.

Thank you all for your prayers for the McCoy family and their beautiful daughter Meghan. They have started a caringbridge site: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/meghanmccoy Please visit their site and send your kind words as they begin to travel a very long and uncertain rode ahead of them. Tell them Tanner sent you!!

I also wanted to share with you a wonderful story that Julie Cornell wrote. Julie is the news anchor for KETV news here in Omaha. She will be leaving as anchor to be home with her children. Julie wrote a story in her farewell and in that story she wrote about Tanner and how she touched her life and many others. Here is the link: http://www.ketv.com/news/16859406/detail.html Thank you Julie!!!

We want to welcome Aiden Jacob Looney!!! He is healthy and very cute! Hope and Brody can't wait to see him. They have been kissing Susie's belly (baby) goodbye for awhile now. I know that Tanner would think he is so handsome and would love to rub his head. Congrats Looney Family!!!

Every day continues to be a struggle but.....somehow you just learn to live with the constant ache in your heart. Some days it is much greater. There is ALWAYS someone missing. Motivation continues to be hard, but it really helps to be around friends to keep your mind busy. But sometimes even that requires too much effort. We miss your energy Tanner; we miss your strength and your amazing personality. I can still hear her say, "Don't worry mom, I am ok, I got it." I miss my sunshine!!!

Thank you all for the wonderful emails with words of encouragement and love. Please continue to pray for all the kiddos fighting this horrible disease and for all of the families trying to live with a broken heart.

The Lusk Family

 

 

We are asking for lots of prayers for our friends the Mcoy's in California. Their daughter Meghan is in the hospital with a massive tumor surrounding her kidney and other organs. She also has a spot on her other kidney and her spine. Meghan has Wilms Tumor stage 5. This wonderful 3 year old girl needs all of our prayers. Her family is in shock and they are taking one moment at a time. Please send all your love and prayers their way!! I will keep you updated as we here new information.


Thank you, the Lusk Family

Thursday, July 3rd 2008

This week has been a better week. The last two weeks have been full of struggles, much more than usual. I am not sure how or why this week is going better, but it is. The amount that we miss Tanner and long to hold her has not diminished. The pain some how has not consumed our every moment......this week.

I just finished reading this book about another mother who lost her child. I am not sure if I am looking for that one answer on how to live through the death of my child. To somehow find something that can take all this pain away. I know that there is no answer; there is no easy way out, no perfect way to grieve. Anyway, the author said "I have been there. At the brink of losing my mind. Unable to sleep for more than an hour or two. Unable to think of anything except what happened. I CANNOT say how I got from there to here. I cannot even say where "here" is. There are still nights when I wake up crying and I cannot get rid of the images. Yet I am here, somewhere else. But do not be fooled. Even though I am here, I know that the smallest thing...a song, a sound, a smell...can send me back there. I do not live here. I only visit. I stand always perched at the edge. I live in fear of the times when, without warning, I go there, again." It is so true!!! I am no where near being "here" yet, but I feel like some weeks I am doing well and then I am knocked on my butt and it takes me much longer to get back on my feet. As long as I keep getting back up or even helped to get back up, then one day I will get to "here" and someday live with the grief and not let it consume me.

Tanner's softball team from last year, Chris is still coaching, won as league champs. WAY TO GO MAGIC!!! Chris loves being out there with the girls. He said that this is a way for him to stay connected with girls that are Tanner's age. He likes being able to see them grow and excel at softball, as if Tanner was there doing the same. Chris brings Tanner's jersey to every game and has it hanging in the dugout. The girls on the team are so great, they brought the jersey out to the field when they were getting their medals so that a medal could be placed around Tanner's jersey as well. Thank you girls for being so great for your coach and such a wonderful friend to Tanner. We love being part of the team!!

Thank you for all the wonderful words of encouragement on the guestbook. Please continue to pray for all the great kids fighting this horrible disease.

Have a GREAT 4th of July!!!

 

 


Friday, June 27th 2008

My heart is aching constantly, it never stops. I long to hear her call to me, to hold her in my arms. When will this constant pain of losing my daughter go away? I can't even begin to fathom that I've lived almost a year without her. How does this happen? How can I have lived that long without her? It's not possible. Life should have stopped. But it didn't. It kept moving forward. I can't believe that it's been almost a year. I can't believe that it still hurts so badly. I can't believe I haven't died from the pain. Time keeps moving forward. Do I want the pain to go away? I can't imagine not missing her this much.

I want to share a portion of an email that was sent out to many other grieving parents. This is from Mitch Carmody. He is holding a presentation at The Compassionate Friends conference. His son passed away over 20 years ago from childhood cancer. Everything he says we feel over and over again.

As most of you well know losing a child is a life altering event. An experience that rocks your world, brings you to your knees, and brings you to a grief so profound, so pervasive, and so intense it seems surreal. It is impossible to be real, impossible to be happening. It tests your limits of emotions and challenges your spirit to even want to survive; how can I live with this daily pain? How can I ever smile or laugh again when I know that my child is dead? I am truly living a nightmare because the truth is unreal, too painful to accept; how can this be happening? Every morning when I open my eyes I revisit denial and my day begins like Bill Murray in the movie Groundhogs Day; the same day all over again. The fresh pain of reality stabs my heart once again and as I force myself out of bed when my eyes first open; again unwilling to accept the horror of the truth I am a bereaved dad.

Moms and dads, siblings all over the world are forced by circumstance to deal with the reality of the death of a child in the family. We are vulnerable from the moment our first cell splits and divides in the comfort of our mother's womb, until that time our heart can no longer pump its own blood; the limits of it beats per minute per year were reached and it stopped. The human heart can pump non-stop for almost a hundred years but our earth is a harsh environment and there are so many things out to get us; even our own genes can try to kill us; death can strike at any time. Our children can even end their own life; no one is immune to the possibility of losing someone you love.

In the struggle to survive the enormity of the death of a child we look for anything we can find to assuage the pain. Weeks, months, years go by and we still find ourselves looking for some end to this madness. We look for something to fill this huge void that is so pervasive in our daily life; to seek and find a sign-post that points in some direction besides destination unknown. The intense missing them so much seems to almost cripple our attempts to survive. In healing, in moving forward, we feel we are abandoning them or letting them go. It's impossible for us to say "it's okay I know that you are dead" it is not okay, it will never be okay, but we have to survive. We have to follow our path given to us and fulfill our personal destiny. We did not die; it's up to us to live.

I wanted to die when Kelly died, but I chose to live, who else would keep his memory alive? If we do not choose life, than ultimately two lives are wasted. Grieve hard, scream loud, feel every facet of your loss as long as you need to, grieve openly, express your lamentations and frustrations; you love hard, you grieve hard, it is supposed to hurt. Know that your grief will lessen as time moves on but you will always be a bereaved parent and like living with arthritis you will live with flare ups of pain the rest of your life.

Thank you for letting me share,

Marjorie

 

 

Thursday, June 19th 2008

We have been very busy around here. it is a good thing, because it gives your mind less time to think of how much we are missing our amazing little girl.

The Milestones Cure Search walk was bitter sweet. It was very hard to be there without Tanner, without the person that we have been fighting so hard for. Last year at the walk Tanner was in so much pain and could not walk. She had a hard time not having the ability to do the things that came so easy to her before. Last year we won first place with over $10,000.00 and this year we doubled our earnings! First place this year went to Team Sadie Bug with over $28,000.00 raised. The walk itself raised $218,000.00 this year. That is INCREDIBLE!!!! Thank you to Tanner's Termites for all of your support and donations to our team, YOU ROCK!

We also got to finally meet Vicki from N.Y. We felt like we knew each other because she has been such a wonderful support for our family and for Tanner. Tanner made a connection with Vicki, and I know that Vicki holds a special place in her heart for Tanner. Thank you Vicki!

There will be another Milestones Cure Search walk in Peoria, Illinois this year in September. It is the first year of their walk and they need lots of support. So PLEASE contact Jessie (my sister-in-law) at jbgrant03@hotmail.com or I at cmthb@hotmail.com if you are a family that has a child with cancer near that area or know one PLEASE email her your information. They are having a hard time with a contact for families with childhood cancer. Anything that anyone can do would be great!

After the walk we went down to Papa and Mar's house in Illinois. We went down there to spread some of Tanner's ashes in the lake behind Papa's house. Gus hand carved the sign in the picture above and put it in front of the lake. It is BEAUTIFUL!!! Thank you Gus, Tanner would love it and would be so proud that she has a lake named after her. It was very difficult for everyone. We had eight red roses that each family placed into the lake and all of us released royal blue balloons. Chris said a few words, but it was very hard for any of us to say too much. We love and miss you Tan more than anything. You are forever in our hearts.

Auntie Kelly made a slideshow from the pictures that she took from the lake. She posted it on YOU TUBE...the link is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xGjZOuEzOo. She also posted on YOU TUBE a portion of the slideshow that was played at Tanner's funeral service. The link is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmFxPOOmF7c

Thank you Auntie Kelly for putting all of the pictures together and making our memories last forever. You are the SMARTEST woman in the world!

I am not sure if I ever posted on her site that Tanner was cremated. Since we never knew where we would end up, we knew Tanner should be with us always. Her memory chest sits next to my bed on my night stand. Tanner loved so many things, but 3 things really stuck with us. One, she loved sleeping and hanging out between Chris and I. Two, she loved the beach in California. Three, she loved fishing on the lake. Tanner never shied away from touching fish or worms. So we knew that we wanted her to stay with us, but some with Papa at the lake and some at the beach in California. These were 3 of her favorite places.

My mom and my sister's family moved back to California. My mom moved a couple of weeks ago and my sister and her family moved back last Thursday. It will be hard here without them. They have all been so close over the last year, it will be a difficult adjustment. We miss them all very much!!

We enjoyed the fireworks from the Opening Day of the College World Series. Yet another first when we all remembered Tanner being with us there last year watching the fireworks. We also went to the zoo (during the World Series) again, Auntie Kelly has never been. Everyone thought we were pretty crazy but that kind of traffic is pretty normal in California.

Auntie Kelly went back to California on Monday and we will miss her very much too. We did have a wonderful two weeks with her. We can't wait to visit all of our family and friends in California this summer.

Sorry for such a long update, I will try to update more often so they don't have to be so lengthy. Please continue to pray for all those kiddos still fighting this horrible disease and for all of the families trying to live without their children. The pain is overwhelming and it does not go away. But some how our child's fight lives in us and we get through the day.

Thank you for checking on us and thank you for all of your amazing support and love for our family.

Love, the Lusk Family

 

 

 

Monday, June 16th 2008

I will update soon! It has been a crazy week...watch for all new pics! P.S. - Tanner's Termites ROCK!

 

Wednesday, June 4th 2008

The MileStones CureSearch walk is this weekend, June 7th from 8am-10am at Village Point. Tanner's Termites is doing GREAT!! We have reached our goal and continuing to raise money for a cure. I know that Tanner would be very proud that her team is continuing to fight, continuing to raise awareness and continuing to keep her in their hearts. Tanner was pretty competive and she was so proud to win that trophy last year. It is not to late to make a donation, please view our team page at http://host.curesearch.org/goto/tannertermites

I want to thank all of our amazing support system for all of your help. All of your fundraising efforts from California, Colorado and right here in Omaha. We would not be over our goal with out all of your help. THANK YOU!!!

We are missing our little girl like crazy!! Time is not on our side. Time is healing no wounds. The whole seems to get bigger and bigger every day. We try to keep going, we try not to let our minds stop because once we do the pain, the heart ache takes over. I try to think "what would Tanner do, what would Tanner say about this". I know in my heart she would be proud of us and her friends. I love hearing her friends talk about her and remembering their moments together. Sometimes I feel like I am forgetting certain things about her. I try so hard not to let anything slip my mind and I think that makes it harder. I am so worried about forgetting something, her touch, her smell, her laugh, her hugs. I feel guilty sometimes that I have made it this far with out her. All thru her treatments I feared her death. I thought or should I say I feared how would I go on with out her. How could I live with out my daughter?? But some how some way I am, and it hurts and it feels wrong. Hope and Brody don't have the mom they deserve. They have a mom who is sad and has a much shorter fuse. I try very hard not to let them suffer from my suffering but I don't think that is going to happen. They have had so many challenges is their short lives.

We have a wonderful support of friends and they are always there to help us through the days. Tanner's friends are so good with Hope and Brody. They include them in softball and love to come over and play with them. Thank you guys for being such good friends to Tanner, Hope and Brody.

Love,The Lusk Family

 

Saturday, May 24, 2008

We had another GREAT turn out for our Open House!! We raised over $700.00 for Tanner's Termites. Thank you for all the wonderful venders who donated some of their proceeds and to all of the people who came out and supported Cure Search.

Julie Cornell interviewed Chris and the softball team about how Chris has continued to coach Tanner's softball team and about the Mile Stones Cure Search Walk on June 7th at Village Point. The piece will air Sunday night on channel 7 the 10 o'clock news. They also have a website where you can view the interview. http://www.ketv.com/

Tanner's Termites Team is doing amazing!!! We have reached our goal of $10,000.00 and we are still climbing. Thank you for all of your support for our team and for Cure Search. We have ordered our team shirts so please mail your checks to Susie Looney at 5901 S 174th Ave, Omaha, NE 68135 or if you have any questions please email her at sblooney@cox.net It is not to late to make a donation to our team. Please view our page at http://hostcuresearch.org/goto/tannertermites

The Bellevue Bruins are doing great they are going to the World Series (NAIA). We had a reporter from the Bellevue Leader contact us about how Tanner has impacted lives on this baseball team. The Bruins are a GREAT team of guys that have honored our little girl and her love for baseball. It does not surprise any of us how good they are doing. We WISH the whole team the best of luck and always remember you have our ANGEL in the outfield.

Love, The Lusk Family

 

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

We had a Wonderful turn out at Tanner's Tea!! The Tea Party raised almost $2,000.00 dollars. The girls loved dressing up and using fancy tea cups. They were not to sure about the cucumber sandwiches, but I loved them. Tanner and Hope love cucumbers and Tanner loved them in sandwiches too. I know that some of Tanner's great friends had a hard time and I know they miss her so much. We have to remember that we are honoring our friend and daughter, someone that we love very much. Tanner would want us to talk and laugh about all her funny moments, faces and jokes that she did on all of us. Thank you to all her friends that we there. I love that you are all still apart of our lives and you will help us continue to honor Tanner, your friend.

Tracey I know you do not want me to thank you anymore but what you and your wonderful family and volunteers did was very generous. Thank you for taking the time and putting together a wonderful event. I know that you never got to meet Tanner but I am pretty sure she would have thought you are "COOL". I could see her looking up to me and say, "yup, mom she is cool". Thank you for honoring Tanner, your friend.

We are having an OPEN HOUSE at April Abell's house at 11828 S. 52nd Street in Papillion. On Friday, May 23rd from 5pm-9pm with Pampered Chef, Lia Sophia jewelry and Arbonne. A portion of the proceeds will be donated to Cure Search. With every item purchased you will be entered in a drawing for a FREE bounce house rental courtesy of http://www.omahapartypalace.com/ Please email me if you have any questions at cmthb@hotmail.com we would love to see you there.

Tanner's Termites team is doing GREAT!! We are working very hard to raise money for Cure Search. Anything you can do to donate to Tanner's team would be greatly appreciated. Please view our team website at http://host.curesearch.org/goto/tannertermites We are ordering our Tanner Termite shirts and we will need all the orders in by Thursday. Please email Susie at sblooney@cox.net for your order.

The MileStones walk this year will be very difficult with out Tanner. We have been in the middle of this fight for childhood cancer for years. Always hoping that is would benefit Tanner's chances for life. Now we are hoping that one day other children will not have to suffer from treatment. Will not have to suffer the ultimate loss, their child. We will continue to fight childhood cancer in honor of Tanner and her amazing will to live life and enjoy every second.

We miss you baby girl!!! You will be with us in our hearts and giving us the strength to get through each and every day. I love you!!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Getting ready for a GREAT turn out for Tanner's Tea!! Please come and join us on Sunday the 18th of May at 2pm. Reservations are needed, email Tracey at tannerstea@hotmail.com Hope is very excited and can't wait to dress up and sip tea! It will be a fun event and we will LOVE honoring Tanner's memory. Thank you, Tracey!!

We are so close to our goal, see link below about the Milestones Cure Search Walk and join our team or make a donation. Thank you for your support!!

 

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Everything is going well around here, we are getting through each day. Its still very hard and we miss Tanner like CRAZY!!! but this week the sadness is not overwhelming us or consuming our every action. There are many times when you are taken back and you lose control over your emotions. For example in the mall yesturday Hope saw a little boy in a wheelchair, who was unable to talk or hold up his head. Hope started pointing and telling me he has cancer and asked if he was going to die. Two things went through my mind. One-how sad that she thinks everyone is a wheelchair is going to die because her sister did. Two-we hated everyone pointing and staring at Tanner. We saw this family again in another store and Hope again started pointing and asking questions. I took her hand and went up to the family and talked to them. We introduced ourselves and said hello to Devon this five year old little boy. Hope and Brody started talking to him and asked him if he had cancer. They were laughing and talking to Devon, not pointing and making this family uncomfortable. The kids said Goodbye to Devon and rubbed his fuzzy hair and the smile on his face was overwhelming. I am crying just typing this because this little boy in a way reminded me of Tanner. He just wants to play, laugh and be a normal kid. These kids go through so much and they get a new normal. Hospital, doctors, shots, being sick and even pointed at. So please next time you see a little kid with a handicap or a kid with no hair, don't stop and stare! Talk to them because they are just like you and me. They were dealt this hand and have no choice but to deal with it, put yourself in their shoes. Children change your life, but after seeing all these children suffer and face so many challenges, you learn to cherish the little things. Tanner never wanted to be treated any different, regardless of her hair, her smile, she was the same little girl but stronger. No matter what was said to her or when she was pointed at, she kept her head high and dealt with all that was handed to her. I admire that in my daughter and I will try my best to continue that attitude for myself.

Hope had her first tee-ball game today, in the rain. She was very excited not only to play but they got to stay out in the rain and get wet. Hope did very well and she even looked the part of a ball player, with her socks up high and her hair pulled back. She loved her outfit!! After her game we enjoyed a play at the Rose Theater "Horrible Harry" with Grammie, Reimers family and Hope's friend Kaylee. We had a good time and the kids really liked it.

We are doing GREAT with our fundraising efforts!!! Our team "Tanner's Termites" is over $8,000.00. We are almost to our goal, please log onto our team website and help us make a difference in childhood cancer. http://host.curesearch.org/goto/tannertermites anything you can do would be greatly appreciated. If you would like to walk with our team please click on the link above and join Tanner's Termites. Cure Search would also like walkers to register online so they can acknowledge the picture release and waiver. If you need a Tanner's Termite shirt please email Susie at sblooney@cox.net. We have some wonderful fundraisers coming up. Tanner's Tea, on May 18 at 2pm the T!LC church in Bellevue. Reservations are required so please email Tracey at tannerstea@hotmail.com this is a FREE will donation and would love to have a house full, please come and enjoy the afternoon. Julie Cornell from KETV news did a story on the website about "Tanner's Tea" please view the story at www.ketv.com/juliesdiary Julie had interviewed Tanner a couple of times and was surprised that Tanner loved tea parties. I told her that it all started with Grandma Julie. Everytime Grandma would come and see the girls, she would have a tea party, dresses and all. Grandma, that special cake plate that you brought out to Omaha will be at Tanner's Tea in honor of your special time together.

We are also having a OPEN HOUSE at April Abell's house at 11828 S. 52nd Street in Papillion. On May 23rd from 5pm-9pm with Pampered Chef, Lia Sophia jewelry and Arbonne. A portion of the proceeds will be donated to Cure Search. With every item purchased you will be entered in a drawing for a FREE bounce house rental courtesy of http://www.omahapartypalace.com/ Please email me if you have any questions at cmthb@hotmail.com we would love to see you there.

Have a wonderful Mothers's Day!! Thank you for all your kind words on the guestbook!

Love, The Lusk Family

in another store and Hope again started pointing and asking questions. I took her hand and went up to the family and talked to them. We introduced ourselves and said hello to Devon this five year old little boy. Hope and Brody started talking to him and asked him if he had cancer. They were laughing and talking to Devon, not pointing and making this family uncomfortable. The kids said Goodbye to Devon and rubbed his fuzzy hair and the smile on his face was overwhelming. I am crying just typing this because this little boy in a way reminded me of Tanner. He just wants to play, laugh and be a normal kid. These kids go through so much and they get a new normal.  Hospital, doctors, shots, being sick and even pointed at. So please next time you see a little kid with a handicap or a kid with no hair, don't stop and stare! Talk to them because they are just like you and me. They were dealt this hand and have no choice but to deal with it, put yourself in their shoes. Children  change your life, but after seeing all these children suffer and face so many challenges, you learn to cherish the little things. Tanner never wanted to be treated any different, regardless of her hair, her smile, she was the same little girl but stronger. No matter what was said to her or when she was pointed at, she kept her head high and dealt with all that was handed to her. I admire that in my daughter and I will try my best to continue that attitude for myself.

Hope had her first tee-ball game today, in the rain. She was very excited not only to play but they got to stay out in the rain and get wet. Hope did very well and she even looked the part of a ball player, with her socks up high and her hair pulled back. She loved her outfit!! After her game we enjoyed a play at the Rose Theater "Horrible Harry" with Grammie, Reimers family and Hope's friend Kaylee. We had a good time and the kids really liked it.

We are doing GREAT with our fundraising efforts!!! Our team "Tanner's Termites" is over $8,000.00. We are almost to our goal, please log onto our team website and help us make a difference in childhood cancer. http://host.curesearch.org/goto/tannertermites anything you can do would be greatly appreciated. If you would like to walk with our team please click on the link above and join Tanner's Termites. Cure Search would also like walkers to register online so they can acknowledge the picture release and waiver. If you need a Tanner's Termite shirt please email Susie at sblooney@cox.net. We have some wonderful fundraisers coming up. Tanner's Tea, on May 18 at 2pm the T!LC church in Bellevue. Reservations are required so please email Tracey at tannerstea@hotmail.com this is a FREE will donation and would love to have a house full, please come and enjoy the afternoon. Julie Cornell from KETV news did a story on the website about "Tanner's Tea" please view the story at www.ketv.com/juliesdiary  Julie had interviewed Tanner a couple of times and was surprised that Tanner loved tea parties. I told her that it all started with Grandma Julie. Everytime Grandma would come and see the girls, she would have a tea party, dresses and all. Grandma, that special cake plate that you brought out to Omaha will be at Tanner's Tea in honor of your special time together.

We are also having a OPEN HOUSE at April Abell's house at 11828 S. 52nd Street in Papillion. On May 23rd from 5pm-9pm with Pampered Chef, Lia Sophia jewelry and Arbonne. A portion of the proceeds will be donated to Cure Search. With every item purchased you will be entered in a drawing for a FREE bounce house rental courtesy of http://www.omahapartypalace.com/ Please email me if you have any questions at cmthb@hotmail.com we would love to see you there.

Have a wonderful Mothers's Day!! Thank you for all your kind words on the guestbook!

Love, The Lusk Family

 

December 24th 2008

Merry Christmas!!!

All our love, The Lusk Family 

November 30th 2008

Tanner you are in my heart today and everyday. I try to imagine what you would be doing today for my birthday. You always kept your dad in line and made sure he was doing something GREAT. You would make me breakfast and of course share a coffee with me. I miss you coming to cuddle with me in the morning and playing with my hair.  You were so thoughtful and wanted to make the best day for me on my birthday. I miss your smile, your heart and your touch. Today I will think of how special you made feel.

I love you Big Much!!

Your mom forever and ever!!! 

November 12th 2008

HAPPY 1OTH BIRTHDAY TANNER!!!! We love you and miss you Tan!!!

Thank you for all your wonderful birthday messages for our family and for Tanner. Today is such a happy day when Tanner entered this world. I can remember it like it was yesturday. She loved to hear the story over and over again of how the doctor placed her on my belly and than she pooped on me. She would laugh and say "tell me again." I miss her laugh and her funny faces but TODAY we will remember her birth and all of her wonderful birthday celebrations. Hope and Brody are very excited today for Tanner's birthday!! They keep singing her Happy Birthday!! They miss their big sissy.

Thank you Auntie, Uncle Jeff, Zach and Maddie for the beautiful roses for Tanner, Hope and Brody. Thank you to our wonderful friends who have donated toys, art canvas', art supplies and pillow cases in memory of Tanner to the oncology clinic. Tanner loved to give and the kids on the floor will love all the wonderful treats. Thank you Vicki and Lou for the gifts for Hope and Brody and the Tanner gift yet to be opened.

Our friends the McCoys are having a fundraiser in Valencia, California at Robeks for their beautiful daughter Meghan tonight. www.caringbridge.org/visit/meghanmccoy Please stop by and show your support!! We love you and wish we could be there with you!! Thank you, Jeannie for remembering Tanner on her birthday!

Happy birthday Tanner and I will tell Hope and Brody the funny story of your birth baby girl, I LOVE YOU BIG MUCH!!!

All my love, Marjorie

November 8th 2008

It has been a while since I have updated. Sorry!!! Times are hard and the pain of Tanner being gone is no easier. My friend Michelle bought me this magnet that is so perfect, it says "Pretending to be a normal person day-after-day is exhausting." You put on this happy face and deal with your normal day to day things but in your heart there is so much pain. I know that Tanner would say, "Stop being a cry baby mom, you can do this." My mind says one thing but my heart says otherwise. I know this will take time and in time we will learn to live with the pain better.

Tanner's 10th birthday is coming up the 12th of November. We are keeping it very mellow. That is very different for us because we always did BIG parties for her birthday because we never knew when it would be her last. We even did a BIG party last year but this year seems even harder. We will be taking some small gifts up to the oncology clinic for other kids battling cancer but after that just some cake and ice cream for Tanner's 10th birthday. Tanner loved giving and that is what we want to do in her honor. Tanner planned the lemonade stand, gave out gift cards and did that for other kids in need. Last year we gave toys, arts and crafts to UNMC Radiation dept in her memory. That seems to be the only way we know how to carry on her love of giving to others. 10 is such a milestone for kids, double digits. I know this would have been very cool in Tanner's eyes to have reached this milestone. I love you baby and wish you the best 10 year old birthday party in heaven. I know you will do it BIG!!!

Please view www.kidsmiraclefoundation.org for your holiday shopping. They will be sending all monies raised to help find a cure for childhood cancer. Another thing that you can do over the holiday season is to donate blood. American Red Cross can always use your help to save lives and not to mention help all the kids who need blood to get through their chemo treatments. Keep our friends Meghan in California www.caringbridge.org/visit/meghanmccoy and Kathy in your prayers as they continue to battle cancer and all the side effects from the treatment. We love you both and your always in our hearts!!!

We had a wonderful visit from Vicki and Lou from New York. It was nice to spend time with all of you and your family. Thank you for including us!! Tanner brought us together and I know that she would enjoy your love and friendship like all of us do. THANK YOU!!

Happy Birthday Aunt Deedee!! I know this year will be very hard with out you here. Tanner and Aunt Deedee have shared their bithday celebration and last year with out Tanner,  Aunt Deedee was here to celebrate. Love you!!

All my love,

Marjorie

October 14th 2008

Things have been pretty quiet around here, not much going on. Hope and Brody are doing great in school and really enjoy being with their friends. Hope has been playing ball a lot with Chris and the team at practice and she really enjoys it. She loves being around the big girls and all of them make her feel very special. Chris said that Hope has really gotten into it and sometimes he looks over at her and sees a little Tanner out there fielding the balls. Hope is really doing well and loves being a part of the team.

I started going to a support group with parents who have lost a child to cancer. It is nice to have a group of people to share your thoughts and feelings with. Everyone is very supportive and it is wonderful to hear about all of their amazing children.

The kids have fall break at school this week so we are going to Papa's and Mar's for a couple of days. We are looking forward to spending time with all of them and having some special time with baby Eddie of course. Hope is telling everyone that she is going to see her cousin, baby Eddie. They are also very excited about their pumpkins that Papa grew for them. The last time we were there Brody named three pumpkins in Papa's garden, Tanner, Hope and Brody. So they are ready to bring them home and carve faces into them. It will be nice to get away.

We are asking for prayers for a dear friend who is battling cancer. Bailey and Alexis (Tanner's friends)  grandma Kathy is fighting cancer and could use our prayers. We love you, Kathy!!

I would also like to share a website with you www.kidsmiraclefoundation.org   Please help by purchasing or donating to this cause. Kids Miracle Foundation network of products and services consist of more then 400+ stores to help fight this disease which includes all major retail stores such as Disney, Toys "R" Us, Gamefly, Netflix, Sony, Macy's, and many others to choose from. Simply click on "Shop Online Icon" and will give a gift of life to our children's across the globe...80% of the proceeds from the online sales will go directly to Kids Miracle Foundation to support cancer research centers and families across the country. When you do your online purchasing for this holiday season, log onto this site and help raise money for cancer research.

Thanks for checking in on us. Please keep all the kiddos that are still fighting cancer and for the families who continue to battle the loss of their amazing children.

Love, Marjorie

September 26th 2008

 

One year has come and gone with out Tanner physically here. She is always with us and constantly in our daily thoughts and conversations. Time has gone so fast with out her here and we miss her so much. Everyday is hard but thursday the 18th was much harder for me. The time frame of the day was so haunting. The last words that she spoke to me, her struggling to catch her breath, and the last time I looked into her eyes. It is so hard. The images don't go away.

The 19th was a wonderful way to celebrate Tanner's life. Her love of friends, family and hanging out together. We had such a great outcome for the balloon release. My sister April came out from California, the Bellevue Bruins team was here, and so many wonderful friends that loved Tanner so much. It means a lot to have so many people who love and care for our family and for keeping Tanner's memory alive. The night let us focus on good times and being surrounded by so many people. Thank you, to everyone who celebrated Tanner's life with us and came together for our daughter. Many other family and friends did a balloon release in honor of Tanner. THANK YOU, for taking the time to remember Tanner. Please view all the new pictures to see the many balloon release's. It means so much to know that Tanner is still in your hearts, so again Thank you!!

Happy Birthday to Papa and Auntie Kelly, we love you!!

Give blood and help save a life!!

Marjorie

 

September 9th 2008

Tanner has almost been gone one year. So how does it still seem so unreal?? I know that must sound so weird because we watched her battle for her life, we watched her suffer, we watched our daughter die. But at the same time she was so full of life and determination. Tanner is strongest person I know. We have so many pictures of her so full of life, ready to tackle anything that was ahead of her. How?? how has the strongest person I know die? how has this become our life? how are we going to be whole again? I miss her more than I can even express. Our little girl will forever be a memory. Not here to make memories with her family. Still so hard for me to understand.

Hope and Brody are amazing and I love being their mom but sometimes it is hard to feel complete. We still go on with our daily life, school, zoo, work, family trips and so on. We continue to include Tanner in all of that. We talk about her and how she played things with Hope and Brody. What she would like or not like. Its healing for us and it helps Hope and Brody able to ask question and talk about her all they want.  I am very thankful for the both of them, they bring us lots of joy and many laughs.

Our family and friends in California will be having a balloon release in memory of Tanner on September 19th @ 7pm. It will be at Canyon Country Park (where Tanner played t-ball) at 17615 W. Soledad Cyn Rd.
All our welcome to come!!!  Please feel free to bring your own picnic dinner or even a special balloon to release in honor of Tanner.
 
If you able to attend or have any question please contract my mom Linda @ colinda_1@hotmail.com or Kelly @ kelilou@yahoo.com.
 
If you are unable to attend feel free to do your own balloon release in Tanner's memory. Please take pictures and email to me at cmthb@hotmail.com to post on Tanner's website. 

Please remember our friend Jessie (radiation momma) as she gets ready to run the 1/2 marathon in Maui to raise money for CureSearch. Please view her link at http://www.active.com/donate/csathletics/jessilaine

My niece Madison Reimers has cut her hair for the second time and given it to Locks of Love to make wigs for children who have lost their hair. Way to go Maddie!!! We are so proud of you!!

Thank you for keeping Tanner in your hearts!! All of her family and friends will continue to keep Tanner's spirit alive!!

Love, Marjorie


 

 

September 5th 2008

Just a quick update: On Friday September 19th we are doing a balloon release at 8pm at our house but please know that if you are unable to make it to our house or the balloon release in California that you can do it anywhere!!! It does not matter the time, please do it when ever you want to that day. This is something that we are doing for Tanner, so if it is your family in your front yard sending something special to her, that is wonderful!! I would love photos to post on her website. Please email me at cmthb@hotmail.com This is going to be a very hard day but I would love to honor her in this way. I will also post time and place for the California release soon.

Thank you again Kip and Abby for the t-shirt design everyone loves it!!

Have a good weekend,

Marjorie

September 2nd 2008

Well, I have put off updating long enough. It has been something that I have been thinking about but just don't know what to say. I feel like I say the same thing over and over again. There is no way to put into words how we feel. We don't understand and don't know how we have gotten up every morning without her here. I heard someone say the other day, not to me (thank goodness) that going thru a divorce is so miserable that it should just kill you. And I know people deal with things so differently but I guess you think that the pain of losing a child would kill you....... but it clearly does not.

I went to dinner with Anisa the other day, which was very nice. Thank you!!! The nurses and techs become your family, people you see every day, people you share so much with. After a wonderful dinner at Hector's, one of our favorite's, Anisa and I sat and talked for a long time. I was telling her how the memories have been very hard for me the last couple of weeks. You try so hard to remember all the positive and wonderful times, but these past weeks and weeks to follow I can remember every single moment so clear. I don't want to remember these days. I re-live them in my mind. Tanner was always so tough and strong but these last couple of weeks....... it was clearly a little girl who was so tried of this long battle. She was still very stubborn till the very end. Refused ER visits, needed Anisa at all hours, even getting out of bed the day before she passed away when she hadn't in days and insisting to her dad she wanted Rootbeer (even if she threw it up). It is part of the "first" of things that is very hard, but this has been the hardest for me. The time passes and the memories are bad at this time. I WILL live thru it, and tomorrow is a new day but it sucks.

As most of you know September is Childhood Cancer Awarness month. Please view www.curesearch.org to view different things you can do or support in your community. We have another wonderful friend Jessi. She was one of Tanner's radiation tech's, which Tanner called "Radiation Mama" which meant while she was in radiation Jessi was her mama. Very Tanner!!! Jessi (radiation mama) will be running a 1/2 marathon in Maui in Memory of Tanner. She has started a Cure Search Athlete's donation page. She is asking for $10.00 donations and hoping to raise $2000.00. Please stop by her page at  http://www.active.com/donate/csathletics/jessilaine  Thank you Jessi !!!

We will be having an "Open house" on Friday, September 19th from 6:30pm until ??? to honor Tanner's life and how she lived. Chris and I were not sure what to do that day. We thought about lying in bed and just letting the day pass but that was not Tanner's style. Everytime Tanner had a big surgery or a relapse, we would ask her what she wanted to do? And everytime she would say, "I want people to come over and eat and have a pineta". So that is what we decided to do. You are welcome to come by, hang out and be with Tanner's friends and family who miss her very much. We are having a balloon release at 8:00pm. We will be writing messages to Tanner on the balloons. We are also asking any friends and families if they would like to do a balloon release we could do it at the same time. Grammie in California will be having a get together and will do a balloon release at 6:00pm. And on the east coast they are doing a balloon release at 9:00pm. Please take pictures of your release and email them to me at cmthb@hotmail.com I would love to post them. I am also having some t-shirts made that will be very cute...."not cute cool mom" Tanner would say. Kip and Abby who made Tanner Termite shirts have put together a VERy Cool shirt in honor of Tanner. I will be posting a picture very soon and if you would like one please email me. Not sure of the cost yet.

Hope and Brody had their first day of school and they were so very excited. Brody is in Hope's old class room, which makes it very nice for him. Hope also had her first day of dance class, VERY excited. Thank you Darrow's and Abels for the wonderful dance clothes and shoes, Hope loved them. I am not sure if she was more excited about the clothes or the class???

We had a nice weekend in Illinois at Papa's and Mar's. Brody had been there for a week with them and had a great time. He went fishing, built a swing, mowed the lawn, did some gardening and hung out with his papa. It was very hard for Hope and I to let him go, we really missed him a lot. Baby Eddie had his first birthday party and we were glad we could be there for that. He has gotten so big and such a cutie. Poor little guy gets mauled with them around. They love Baby Eddie!!! Sorry Eddie, they are always going to call you baby Eddie. They also did a balloon release for Tanner at Papa and Mar's house. One balloon for Eddie and one for Tanner. Thank you guys, Tanner would have loved that!!

Sorry for such a long update. I guess if I updated more they wouldn't be so long. And I thought I had nothing to say.....yah right. Happy belated birthday Grandma, we love you!! and please keep our friend Meghan in your prayers, her little body is starting to feel the effects of chemo www.caringbridge.org/visit/meghanmccoy  

Lot of love,

Marjorie

Tuesday, August 19th 2008

Sorry so long to update. The day we got home our computer had a melt down. We are slowly getting things back together. I have tried to update the site twice this week and have lost it both times.....very frustrating.

We had a good time in California. It was nice to see our friends and families but it was very hard to be there with out Tanner. It was hard to go into our old neighborhood. To remember all her birthdays at the park, walking to the pool or playing handball on the garage door. So many wonderful memories....bittersweet. I would not trade them for the world but right now the pain is deep. I know that she would have had a great time. Hope and Brody did, they loved all the swimming. Hope now swims pretty well on her own. Hope said her favorite part of the trip was at Auntie's house when everyone yelled "SURPISE" at her birthday party, which was not a surpise party. Very Cute!!! Thank you Reimer's family and Auntie Kelly for the great five year old birthday party. Thank you Grammie and Aunt Janice for the very cool birthday cakes, they were the best.

I would like to share with you a wonderful family here in Omaha that has been impacted by Tanner's life. The Snowdardt's have started a fundraising page with Cure Search. Chris Snowdardt has entered the Cedar Rapids 1/2 Iron man in Iowa on August 17th. He is collecting donations on his Cure Search page in honor of our sweet Tanner. He was impressed by her strength, courage and her amazing fight for life. Chris promises he will do whatever it takes to finish this race, just like Tanner did in her life. Chris finished the race at 7 hours and 12 minutes. That is GREAT!!! Way to Go Chris!!

Thank you so much for all your hard work for Tanner and all kids with cancer that continue to fight this horrible disease. It takes people like you to raise awarness and funds to beat childhood cancer. Thank you Snowdart family!!!

Please take the time to view his page and make a donation of any size in honor of his fight to help find a cure for childhood cancer.
 
http://www.active.com/donate/csathletics/snowardt
 
A year ago today we were in Illinois fishing with papa. Aunt Jessie was pregnant with baby Eddie and Tanner wanting to see her new cousin enter this world. Tanner, Hope, Brody and Auntie Kelly were playing in the swimming pool. Tanner's pain was mild and she was in good spirits. We were sitting on the couch waiting for High School Musical to come on TV and all of a sudden Brody threw up. Tanner was very concerned and helped me take him to the bath tub and she stayed in there to soothe his tummy ache.

Her strength, compasion and love, I miss every single day. Her smile, touch and holding her in my arms I ache for every single day. I miss my daughter, my best friend and my strength. The time has gone so fast but so slow at the same time. I am not sure how we have come this far. When we were battling cancer if you would have asked me how we would live with out Tanner? I would have told you that there is no way, no way we would make it. I could not imagine one night with out her and now it almost been a year. We fought so hard for so long that some where along the way we were given some of Tanner's strength. Some of her fight to live even with the pain, we are living.

Love, Marjorie
 

Tuesday, August 5th 2008

Hello everyone...this is Auntie Kelly from California! The Lusk family left today to go back to Omaha.  It was so great to have them back home and so sad to see them leave again.  I spoke to Marj a few hours ago and they were in Utah...so their ETA in Omaha will be tomorrow evening!

We had a very busy week. We celebrated Hope's 5th birthday at Auntie April's and Uncle Jeff's house (It was a princess party! So COOL!) We did a lot of swimming and had a great time at the aquatic center.  Hope and Brody are both doing great in the water...little fishies!  We spent 2 days in Santa Barbara, which was definitely bitter sweet.  Last year Marj and I took the kids to Santa Barbara and Tanner had so much fun.  It was hard to be there again without her but she was there in our hearts and she is always on our minds. The kiddos loved the beach and we got to see Janet, Tatum and Simon!  We also celebrated Chris's birthday...he got a new tattoo while he was here (check out the picture on the photo page.)  Happy Birthday Chris!

All in all we had a really great time and I think the Lusks had a nice vacation (and they even left with a tan!) Marjorie will update soon...I'm sure I left out a few things (sorry -I'm new at this!) For now - check out all the cool new pics! Bye!    

Love, Auntie Kelly 

 

 

Wednesday, July 16th 2008

Things have been ok around here.  Hope has been going to summer camp and loves seeing all of her friends.  Hope and Brody can't wait to start school in August.   They are both more social than Tanner was.  Tanner took time to warm up to people but Hope and Brody will go with anyone and love to be around people.  Hope will be turning 5 years old soon, July 24th...HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOPIE!!!!!  Auntie April, Uncle Jeff, and Auntie Kelly will be throwing a wonderful birthday party for Hope in California.  Thank you guys!

We will be going to California to see our family and friends.  We will also enjoy some family fun at the beach.  The beach was one of Tanner's favorite places, she was able to enjoy some time there in April 2007.  We are looking forward to spending time together as a family.

Thank you all for your prayers for the McCoy family and their beautiful daughter Meghan.  They have started a caringbridge site: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/meghanmccoy  Please visit their site and send your kind words as they begin to travel a very long and uncertain rode ahead of them.  Tell them Tanner sent you!!

I also wanted to share with you a wonderful story that Julie Cornell wrote.  Julie is the news anchor for KETV news here in Omaha.  She will be leaving as anchor to be home with her children.  Julie wrote a story in her farewell and in that story she wrote about Tanner and how she touched her life and many others.  Here is the link: http://www.ketv.com/news/16859406/detail.html  Thank you Julie!!! 

We want to welcome Aiden Jacob Looney!!! He is healthy and very cute!  Hope and Brody can't wait to see him.  They have been kissing Susie's belly (baby) goodbye for awhile now.  I know that Tanner would think he is so handsome and would love to rub his head.  Congrats Looney Family!!!

Every day continues to be a struggle but.....somehow you just learn to live with the constant ache in your heart.  Some days it is much greater.  There is ALWAYS someone missing.  Motivation continues to be hard, but it really helps to be around friends to keep your mind busy.  But sometimes even that requires too much effort.  We miss your energy Tanner; we miss your strength and your amazing personality.  I can still hear her say, "Don't worry mom, I am ok, I got it."  I miss my sunshine!!!

Thank you all for the wonderful emails with words of encouragement and love.  Please continue to pray for all the kiddos fighting this horrible disease and for all of the families trying to live with a broken heart.

The Lusk Family 

 

 

We are asking for lots of prayers for our friends the Mcoy's in California. Their daughter Meghan is in the hospital with a massive tumor surrounding her kidney and other organs. She also has a spot on her other kidney and her spine. Meghan has Wilms Tumor stage 5. This wonderful 3 year old girl needs all of our prayers. Her family is in shock and they are taking one moment at a time. Please send all your love and prayers their way!! I will keep you updated as we here new information.

Thank you, the Lusk Family

Thursday, July 3rd 2008 

This week has been a better week.  The last two weeks have been full of struggles, much more than usual.  I am not sure how or why this week is going better, but it is.  The amount that we miss Tanner and long to hold her has not diminished.  The pain some how has not consumed our every moment......this week.

I just finished reading this book about another mother who lost her child.  I am not sure if I am looking for that one answer on how to live through the death of my child.  To somehow find something that can take all this pain away.  I know that there is no answer; there is no easy way out, no perfect way to grieve.  Anyway, the author said "I have been there.  At the brink of losing my mind.  Unable to sleep for more than an hour or two.  Unable to think of anything except what happened.  I CANNOT say how I got from there to here.  I cannot even say where "here" is.  There are still nights when I wake up crying and I cannot get rid of the images.  Yet I am here, somewhere else.  But do not be fooled.  Even though I am here, I know that the smallest thing...a song, a sound, a smell...can send me back there.  I do not live here.  I only visit.  I stand always perched at the edge.  I live in fear of the times when, without warning, I go there, again."  It is so true!!!  I am no where near being "here" yet, but I feel like some weeks I am doing well and then I am knocked on my butt and it takes me much longer to get back on my feet.  As long as I keep getting back up or even helped to get back up, then one day I will get to "here" and someday live with the grief and not let it consume me.

Tanner's softball team from last year, Chris is still coaching, won as league champs.  WAY TO GO MAGIC!!!  Chris loves being out there with the girls.  He said that this is a way for him to stay connected with girls that are Tanner's age.  He likes being able to see them grow and excel at softball, as if Tanner was there doing the same.  Chris brings Tanner's jersey to every game and has it hanging in the dugout.  The girls on the team are so great, they brought the jersey out to the field when they were getting their medals so that a medal could be placed around Tanner's jersey as well.  Thank you girls for being so great for your coach and such a wonderful friend to Tanner.  We love being part of the team!!

Thank you for all the wonderful words of encouragement on the guestbook.  Please continue to pray for all the great kids fighting this horrible disease.

 Have a GREAT 4th of July!!!

 

 

Friday, June 27th 2008 

My heart is aching constantly, it never stops.  I long to hear her call to me, to hold her in my arms.  When will this constant pain of losing my daughter go away?  I can't even begin to fathom that I've lived almost a year without her.  How does this happen?  How can I have lived that long without her? It's not possible.  Life should have stopped.  But it didn't.  It kept moving forward.  I can't believe that it's been almost a year.  I can't believe that it still hurts so badly.  I can't believe I haven't died from the pain.  Time keeps moving forward.  Do I want the pain to go away?  I can't imagine not missing her this much.

I want to share a portion of an email that was sent out to many other grieving parents.  This is from Mitch Carmody.  He is holding a presentation at The Compassionate Friends conference.  His son passed away over 20 years ago from childhood cancer.  Everything he says we feel over and over again.

As most of you well know losing a child is a life altering event.  An experience that rocks your world, brings you to your knees, and brings you to a grief so profound, so pervasive, and so intense it seems surreal.  It is impossible to be real, impossible to be happening.  It tests your limits of emotions and challenges your spirit to even want to survive; how can I live with this daily pain?  How can I ever smile or laugh again when I know that my child is dead?  I am truly living a nightmare because the truth is unreal, too painful to accept; how can this be happening?  Every morning when I open my eyes I revisit denial and my day begins like Bill Murray in the movie Groundhogs Day; the same day all over again.  The fresh pain of reality stabs my heart once again and as I force myself out of bed when my eyes first open; again unwilling to accept the horror of the truth I am a bereaved dad.

Moms and dads, siblings all over the world are forced by circumstance to deal with the reality of the death of a child in the family.  We are vulnerable from the moment our first cell splits and divides in the comfort of our mother's womb, until that time our heart can no longer pump its own blood; the limits of it beats per minute per year were reached and it stopped.  The human heart can pump non-stop for almost a hundred years but our earth is a harsh environment and there are so many things out to get us; even our own genes can try to kill us; death can strike at any time.  Our children can even end their own life; no one is immune to the possibility of losing someone you love.

In the struggle to survive the enormity of the death of a child we look for anything we can find to assuage the pain.  Weeks, months, years go by and we still find ourselves looking for some end to this madness.  We look for something to fill this huge void that is so pervasive in our daily life; to seek and find a sign-post that points in some direction besides destination unknown.  The intense missing them so much seems to almost cripple our attempts to survive.  In healing, in moving forward, we feel we are abandoning them or letting them go.  It's impossible for us to say "it's okay I know that you are dead" it is not okay, it will never be okay, but we have to survive.  We have to follow our path given to us and fulfill our personal destiny.  We did not die; it's up to us to live.

I wanted to die when Kelly died, but I chose to live, who else would keep his memory alive?  If we do not choose life, than ultimately two lives are wasted.  Grieve hard, scream loud, feel every facet of your loss as long as you need to, grieve openly, express your lamentations and frustrations; you love hard, you grieve hard, it is supposed to hurt.  Know that your grief will lessen as time moves on but you will always be a bereaved parent and like living with arthritis you will live with flare ups of pain the rest of your life.  

Thank you for letting me share, 

Marjorie 

 

 

Thursday, June 19th 2008 

We have been very busy around here.  it is a good thing, because it gives your mind less time to think of how much we are missing our amazing little girl.  

The Milestones Cure Search walk was bitter sweet.  It was very hard to be there without Tanner, without the person that we have been fighting so hard for.  Last year at the walk Tanner was in so much pain and could not walk.  She had a hard time not having the ability to do the things that came so easy to her before.  Last year we won first place with over $10,000.00 and this year we doubled our earnings!  First place this year went to Team Sadie Bug with over $28,000.00 raised.  The walk itself raised $218,000.00 this year.  That is INCREDIBLE!!!! Thank you to Tanner's Termites for all of your support and donations to our team, YOU ROCK!

We also got to finally meet Vicki from N.Y.  We felt like we knew each other because she has been such a wonderful support for our family and for Tanner.  Tanner made a connection with Vicki, and I know that Vicki holds a special place in her heart for Tanner.  Thank you Vicki! 

There will be another Milestones Cure Search walk in Peoria, Illinois this year in September.  It is the first year of their walk and they need lots of support.  So PLEASE contact Jessie (my sister-in-law) at jbgrant03@hotmail.com or I at cmthb@hotmail.com if you are a family that has a child with cancer near that area or know one PLEASE email her your information.  They are having a hard time with a contact for families with childhood cancer.  Anything that anyone can do would be great!

 After the walk we went down to Papa and Mar's house in Illinois.  We went down there to spread some of Tanner's ashes in the lake behind Papa's house.  Gus hand carved the sign in the picture above and put it in front of the lake.  It is BEAUTIFUL!!!  Thank you Gus, Tanner would love it and would be so proud that she has a lake named after her.  It was very difficult for everyone.  We had eight red roses that each family placed into the lake and all of us released royal blue balloons.  Chris said a few words, but it was very hard for any of us to say too much.  We love and miss you Tan more than anything.  You are forever in our hearts.

Auntie Kelly made a slideshow from the pictures that she took from the lake.  She posted it on YOU TUBE...the link is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xGjZOuEzOo.  She also posted on YOU TUBE a portion of the slideshow that was played at Tanner's funeral service.  The link is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmFxPOOmF7c

Thank you Auntie Kelly for putting all of the pictures together and making our memories last forever. You are the SMARTEST woman in the world!

I am not sure if I ever posted on her site that Tanner was cremated.  Since we never knew where we would end up, we knew Tanner should be with us always.  Her memory chest sits next to my bed on my night stand.  Tanner loved so many things, but 3 things really stuck with us.  One, she loved sleeping and hanging out between Chris and I.  Two, she loved the beach in California.  Three, she loved fishing on the lake.  Tanner never shied away from touching fish or worms.  So we knew that we wanted her to stay with us, but some with Papa at the lake and some at the beach in California.  These were 3 of her favorite places.

My mom and my sister's family moved back to California.  My mom moved a couple of weeks ago and my sister and her family moved back last Thursday.  It will be hard here without them.  They have all been so close over the last year, it will be a difficult adjustment.  We miss them all very much!!

We enjoyed the fireworks from the Opening Day of the College World Series.  Yet another first when we all remembered Tanner being with us there last year watching the fireworks.  We also went to the zoo (during the World Series) again, Auntie Kelly has never been.  Everyone thought we were pretty crazy but that kind of traffic is pretty normal in California.

Auntie Kelly went back to California on Monday and we will miss her very much too. We did have a wonderful two weeks with her.  We can't wait to visit all of our family and friends in California this summer.

Sorry for such a long update, I will try to update more often so they don't have to be so lengthy.  Please continue to pray for all those kiddos still fighting this horrible disease and for all of the families trying to live without their children.  The pain is overwhelming and it does not go away. But some how our child's fight lives in us and we get through the day.

Thank you for checking on us and thank you for all of your amazing support and love for our family.

Love, the Lusk Family 

 

 

 

Monday, June 16th 2008

I will update soon!  It has been a crazy week...watch for all new pics!  P.S. - Tanner's Termites ROCK! 

 

Wednesday, June 4th 2008

The MileStones CureSearch walk is this weekend, June 7th from 8am-10am at Village Point. Tanner's Termites is doing GREAT!! We have reached our goal and continuing to raise money for a cure. I know that Tanner would be very proud that her team is continuing to fight, continuing to raise awareness and continuing to keep her in their hearts. Tanner was pretty competive and she was so proud to win that trophy last year. It is not to late to make a donation, please view our team page at http://host.curesearch.org/goto/tannertermites 

I want to thank all of our amazing support system for all of your help. All of your fundraising efforts from California, Colorado and right here in Omaha. We would not be over our goal with out all of your help. THANK YOU!!!

We are missing our little girl like crazy!! Time is not on our side. Time is healing no wounds. The whole seems to get bigger and bigger every day. We try to keep going, we try not to let our minds stop because once we do the pain, the heart ache takes over.  I try to think "what would Tanner do, what would Tanner say about this". I know in my heart she would be proud of us and her friends. I love hearing her friends talk about her and remembering their moments together. Sometimes I feel like I am forgetting certain things about her. I try so hard not to let anything slip my mind and I think that makes it harder. I am so worried about forgetting something, her touch, her smell, her laugh, her hugs. I feel guilty sometimes that I have made it this far with out her. All thru her treatments I feared her death. I thought or should I say I feared how would I go on with out her. How could I live with out my daughter?? But some how some way I am, and it hurts and it feels wrong.  Hope and Brody don't have the mom they deserve. They have a mom who is sad and has a much shorter fuse. I try very hard not to let them suffer from my suffering but I don't think that is going to happen. They have had so many challenges is their short lives.

We have a wonderful support of friends and they are always there to help us through the days. Tanner's friends are so good with Hope and Brody. They include them in softball and love to come over and play with them. Thank you guys for being such good friends to Tanner, Hope and Brody.

Love,The Lusk Family

 

Saturday, May 24, 2008

We had another GREAT turn out for our Open House!! We raised over $700.00 for Tanner's Termites. Thank you for all the wonderful venders who donated some of their proceeds and to all of the people who came out and supported Cure Search.

Julie Cornell interviewed Chris and the softball team about how Chris has continued to coach Tanner's softball team and about the Mile Stones Cure Search Walk on June 7th at Village Point. The piece will air Sunday night on channel 7 the 10 o'clock news. They also have a website where you can view the interview. http://www.ketv.com/

Tanner's Termites Team is doing amazing!!! We have reached our goal of $10,000.00 and we are still climbing. Thank you for all of your support for our team and for Cure Search. We have ordered our team shirts so please mail your checks to Susie Looney at 5901 S 174th Ave, Omaha, NE 68135 or if you have any questions please email her at sblooney@cox.net It is not to late to make a donation to our team. Please view our page at http://hostcuresearch.org/goto/tannertermites

The Bellevue Bruins are doing great they are going to the World Series (NAIA). We had a reporter from the Bellevue Leader contact us about how Tanner has impacted lives on this baseball team. The Bruins are a GREAT team of guys that have honored our little girl and her love for baseball. It does not surprise any of us how good they are doing. We WISH the whole team the best of luck and always remember you have our ANGEL in the outfield.

Love, The Lusk Family

 

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

We had a Wonderful turn out at Tanner's Tea!! The Tea Party raised almost $2,000.00 dollars. The girls loved dressing up and using fancy tea cups. They were not to sure about the cucumber sandwiches, but I loved them. Tanner and Hope love cucumbers and Tanner loved them in sandwiches too. I know that some of Tanner's great friends had a hard time and I know they miss her so much. We have to remember that we are honoring our friend and daughter, someone that we love very much. Tanner would want us to talk and laugh about all her funny moments, faces and jokes that she did on all of us. Thank you to all her friends that we there. I love that you are all still apart of our lives and you will help us continue to honor Tanner, your friend.

Tracey I know you do not want me to thank you anymore but what you and your wonderful family and volunteers did was very generous. Thank you for taking the time and putting together a wonderful event. I know that you never got to meet Tanner but I am pretty sure she would have thought you are "COOL". I could see her looking up to me and say, "yup, mom she is cool". Thank you for honoring Tanner, your friend.

We are having an OPEN HOUSE at April Abell's house at 11828 S. 52nd Street in Papillion. On Friday, May 23rd from 5pm-9pm with Pampered Chef, Lia Sophia jewelry and Arbonne. A portion of the proceeds will be donated to Cure Search. With every item purchased you will be entered in a drawing for a FREE bounce house rental courtesy of http://www.omahapartypalace.com/ Please email me if you have any questions at cmthb@hotmail.com we would love to see you there.

Tanner's Termites team is doing GREAT!! We are working very hard to raise money for Cure Search. Anything you can do to donate to Tanner's team would be greatly appreciated. Please view our team website at http://host.curesearch.org/goto/tannertermites We are ordering our Tanner Termite shirts and we will need all the orders in by Thursday. Please email Susie at sblooney@cox.net for your order. 

The MileStones walk this year will be very difficult with out Tanner. We have been in the middle of this fight for childhood cancer for years. Always hoping that is would benefit Tanner's chances for life. Now we are hoping that one day other children will not have to suffer from treatment. Will not have to suffer the ultimate loss, their child. We will continue to fight childhood cancer in honor of Tanner and her amazing will to live life and enjoy every second. 

We miss you baby girl!!! You will be with us in our hearts and giving us the strength to get through each and every day. I love you!! 

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Getting ready for a GREAT turn out for Tanner's Tea!! Please come and join us on Sunday the 18th of May at 2pm. Reservations are needed, email Tracey at tannerstea@hotmail.com Hope is very excited and can't wait to dress up and sip tea! It will be a fun event and we will LOVE honoring Tanner's memory. Thank you, Tracey!!

We are so close to our goal, see link below about the Milestones Cure Search Walk and join our team or make a donation. Thank you for your support!!

 

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Everything is going well around here, we are getting through each day. Its still very hard and we miss Tanner like CRAZY!!! but this week the sadness is not overwhelming us or consuming our every action. There are many times when you are taken back and you lose control over your emotions. For example in the mall yesturday Hope saw a little boy in a wheelchair, who was unable to talk or hold up his head. Hope started pointing and telling me he has cancer and asked if he was going to die. Two things went through my mind. One-how sad that she thinks everyone is a wheelchair is going to die because her sister did. Two-we hated everyone pointing and staring at Tanner. We saw this family again in another store and Hope again started pointing and asking questions. I took her hand and went up to the family and talked to them. We introduced ourselves and said hello to Devon this five year old little boy. Hope and Brody started talking to him and asked him if he had cancer. They were laughing and talking to Devon, not pointing and making this family uncomfortable. The kids said Goodbye to Devon and rubbed his fuzzy hair and the smile on his face was overwhelming. I am crying just typing this because this little boy in a way reminded me of Tanner. He just wants to play, laugh and be a normal kid. These kids go through so much and they get a new normal.  Hospital, doctors, shots, being sick and even pointed at. So please next time you see a little kid with a handicap or a kid with no hair, don't stop and stare! Talk to them because they are just like you and me. They were dealt this hand and have no choice but to deal with it, put yourself in their shoes. Children  change your life, but after seeing all these children suffer and face so many challenges, you learn to cherish the little things. Tanner never wanted to be treated any different, regardless of her hair, her smile, she was the same little girl but stronger. No matter what was said to her or when she was pointed at, she kept her head high and dealt with all that was handed to her. I admire that in my daughter and I will try my best to continue that attitude for myself.

Hope had her first tee-ball game today, in the rain. She was very excited not only to play but they got to stay out in the rain and get wet. Hope did very well and she even looked the part of a ball player, with her socks up high and her hair pulled back. She loved her outfit!! After her game we enjoyed a play at the Rose Theater "Horrible Harry" with Grammie, Reimers family and Hope's friend Kaylee. We had a good time and the kids really liked it.

We are doing GREAT with our fundraising efforts!!! Our team "Tanner's Termites" is over $8,000.00. We are almost to our goal, please log onto our team website and help us make a difference in childhood cancer. http://host.curesearch.org/goto/tannertermites anything you can do would be greatly appreciated. If you would like to walk with our team please click on the link above and join Tanner's Termites. Cure Search would also like walkers to register online so they can acknowledge the picture release and waiver. If you need a Tanner's Termite shirt please email Susie at sblooney@cox.net. We have some wonderful fundraisers coming up. Tanner's Tea, on May 18 at 2pm the T!LC church in Bellevue. Reservations are required so please email Tracey at tannerstea@hotmail.com this is a FREE will donation and would love to have a house full, please come and enjoy the afternoon. Julie Cornell from KETV news did a story on the website about "Tanner's Tea" please view the story at www.ketv.com/juliesdiary  Julie had interviewed Tanner a couple of times and was surprised that Tanner loved tea parties. I told her that it all started with Grandma Julie. Everytime Grandma would come and see the girls, she would have a tea party, dresses and all. Grandma, that special cake plate that you brought out to Omaha will be at Tanner's Tea in honor of your special time together.

We are also having a OPEN HOUSE at April Abell's house at 11828 S. 52nd Street in Papillion. On May 23rd from 5pm-9pm with Pampered Chef, Lia Sophia jewelry and Arbonne. A portion of the proceeds will be donated to Cure Search. With every item purchased you will be entered in a drawing for a FREE bounce house rental courtesy of http://www.omahapartypalace.com/ Please email me if you have any questions at cmthb@hotmail.com we would love to see you there.

Have a wonderful Mothers's Day!! Thank you for all your kind words on the guestbook!

Love, The Lusk Family